Neutral

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by unspectacular, Sep 30, 2007.

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  1. unspectacular

    unspectacular Member

    im not depressed. im not even sad. im neutral. unbareably neutral.
    everything about my life is so neutral, uninteresting, and boring. my entire life is a fucking rut that ill never escape. i cant see myself finding a profession that wont make me miserable. i can see me forming a meaningful emotional connection with a woman. i dont have much trouble having sex with women, but its really dull and empty. i thought i might find joy in other people, and while i have decent social skills, i dont find any enjoyment in socializing. whenever im in a social atmosphere, joking and talking with various people, i just want to escape. i dont care what they have to say, unless they can empthize with my position of boredom. and even then, i dont want to spend my time talking about how bored i am of everything with a bunch of likeminded people. looking at it from an existentialist perspective, my life has no meaning, because i am unable to attain a vocation. i cant even find something that interests me. as a result, im thinking about doing myself in.
     
  2. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    there's not a single thing you would like to do in life before death?
     
  3. unspectacular

    unspectacular Member

    I'd love to find joy in other people: fall in love. But as said previous, the joy I thought I might find in other people seems to be a pipe-dream.
     
  4. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    then for now, forget about other people. c'mon, there isn't a single thing you want to do? don't be completely hopeless, please.
     
  5. unspectacular

    unspectacular Member

    Well, I mean, that's the essence of my problem; I can't think of anything.
     
  6. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    do you have clinical depression or a mood disorder or...?
     
  7. unspectacular

    unspectacular Member

    I don't have clinical depression, nor do I feel depressed. I don't have a mood disorder, either.
     
  8. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    alright good, so your perception of life isn't distorted or anything; you think rationally right?

    eh actually, i dunno. i feel stupid. maybe you should just talk to mental health professionals?
     
  9. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Hi unspectacular,

    Welcome to SF.

    Sorry for butting in, but I read ur post and then ur last comment that ur not depressed, have u spoken to ur doctor about how u have been feeling (I'm no doctor, but I would say from reading the posts that u are depressed..there is no need to ashamed of having depression).

    Please speak to your doctor, if u feel u can.

    Sorry not very helpful..thinking of you

    lost x
     
  10. unspectacular

    unspectacular Member

    Yes, I have visited a number of psychiatrists and therapists. If it's of any consequence, I was diagnosed with ADHD.

    Many of the people close to me regard me as the most rational person they know. I'm not the "emotional" type.
     
  11. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    I like that.

    So, what's your typical day like?
     
  12. unspectacular

    unspectacular Member

    Wake up, go to class, hang out with some friends, go over to girlfriend's house (truth be told I don't even like her. I think she's boring, ego-centric, spoiled, and stupid) , have meaningless sex, go to a party, get wasted, go home, hang out with roomie, chill on the balcony talking, then go to bed.
     
  13. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    uh huh, and how old are you?
     
  14. unspectacular

    unspectacular Member

    I'm 18.
     
  15. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    You're 18. Are you in college or HS?
    You know what? I don't know what to say to you. I don't know you or your life. Do you talk to other people about your views? If so, what do they say?
    Anyway, based on what I do know, which is you can't find a single source of interest, maybe you do have depression. Have you heard of anhedonia?
     
  16. unspectacular

    unspectacular Member

    I'm a sophomore in college. Yes, I talk to people about my views. The people I do talk to my views to are usually just as bored as I am; I don't know why they keep going, other than the fact they might be curious - curious that there might be a source of joy they've yet to discover. I haven't heard of anhedonia, but I'll check it out.

    edit

    Wow, I very well might have anhedonia. I wonder if there's any treatment for it :-? Thank you a lot for the help!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 30, 2007
  17. neutral

    neutral Well-Known Member

    I understand the neutralness that you are going through.

    I also cannot make any kind of emotional connection with people. Social situations are confusing to me (It all sounds like radio interference).

    Erm... Any advise that I can give?

    I'm uncertain. Suicide is the logical conclusion that I have come to. However recommending such advise is wrong. I'm trying to get me head around going to the doctors, however I'm not sad/depressed and saying...
    "Hi there doctor X, I'm in moderate physical pain, feel neutral and would like to proceed with suicide" would not get me anywhere.

    From your posts its seems that you are not going to rush into anything, So hang on, make attempts to get to know people (A little hollow coming from a person who fails at that.), try and keep physically fit (Again something that I'm struggling with.) and see what happens out of curiosity if nothing else.

    All I can say is I can relate to your post, but I'm poor at advise. :dry:
     
  18. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    alrighty, so, what are you studying in college? none of the subjects appeal to you? Why are you in college? If you are a realistic and rational thinker without an affective disorder, you should definitely be able to think of at least one thing in which you are interested. With regard to your boredom, why don't you try changing your environment, including the people who make up your environment?

    ...anhedonia is typically associated with major depressive disorder or schizophrenia...if you think you fit the criteria (check DSM-IV if you're not sure), I suggest you see a psychologist and perhaps a psychiatrist for treatment. You said you've seen a number of docs. do you continue to see anyone? PM me if you want.
     
  19. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    hi neutral, what is the physical pain you are in? also, care to explain your logical reasoning for suicide? I'm interested to know.
     
  20. neutral

    neutral Well-Known Member

    My physical pain...
    • Moderate upper and mid backache.
    • Minor lower backache.
    • Minor intermittent headache.
    • Minor joint ache
    • Feeling very tired intermittently.

    Death is logical due to the following...
    + I'm not enjoying life.
    + Social situations are often stressful and/or confusing.
    + I cannot relate to anyone with the seeming intensity that others do.
    + I have no close friends.
    + I'm in some physical pain most of the time.
    + I'm not contributing to society.
    ++ A reoccurring train of thought is telling me that suicide is the best solution.
    -- It would hurt/embarrass/burden my family.
     
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