im not depressed. im not even sad. im neutral. unbareably neutral. everything about my life is so neutral, uninteresting, and boring. my entire life is a fucking rut that ill never escape. i cant see myself finding a profession that wont make me miserable. i can see me forming a meaningful emotional connection with a woman. i dont have much trouble having sex with women, but its really dull and empty. i thought i might find joy in other people, and while i have decent social skills, i dont find any enjoyment in socializing. whenever im in a social atmosphere, joking and talking with various people, i just want to escape. i dont care what they have to say, unless they can empthize with my position of boredom. and even then, i dont want to spend my time talking about how bored i am of everything with a bunch of likeminded people. looking at it from an existentialist perspective, my life has no meaning, because i am unable to attain a vocation. i cant even find something that interests me. as a result, im thinking about doing myself in.