You know something just accured to me as i was reading another forum a little while ago. I realized that i myself will never be missed. It makes me wonder why in the World i am still here? a member from there had passed away and he got so many replies yet he will not be there to read it or ever get those replies:sad: He was really loved a lot and i even feel love for him. I know everything that happens is not always about me and i dont expect it to always be about me but i have just realized, if i was to just lay down tonight and never wake up, would i even be missed at all? As i sit here typing this out on this tiny computer screen, i realize just how much i hate myself, i hate my life, just look at all the mistakes i have done:unsure: I have done so many things wrong and its like every time i do something it comes out all wrong. I am dying inside. I am hurting so deep that i just do not know which way to turn, what to do, who to trust, who to even believe in? I have had people from other forums tell me there my friend, that they love me or care for me but when something trgic happens to me that is when they show their true colors and dont even bother to PM me. it is like one minute i am their friend and now that my brother has passed away it is as if i am some kind of disease that they shy away from me now because of it. i was invited to a get together but now since my brother passed away, the same person who invited me to a get together has ignored me:sad: i keep thinking well perhaps their afraid to even talk to me for fear they might upset me, but do they not know that when one loses someone close especially like a brother it is then that they need them the most? so am i really loved? or am i really alone? will i be missed? from the looks of it i wont.. my brother is the one that passed away but i am not dead yet, however it appears to me that i am dead also at least to everyone else so i keep asking myself am i really truly loved? will i be missed? i myself am trying to be strong. i really am.. i am even trying to get Church and God back into my life so i can concentrate on other things yet all i keep coming back to is more pain. i am not as strong as others may think i am. i am fragile and i now know who my real true friends are and that in itself is very few and far because when i need them they are not here. do true friends really abandon you?:huh: if this had been someone else, would you be there for them? is it because its me? white dove that you decide or think i dont need anyone? do you think i am very strong? cause if you do then i am afraid to tell you the bad news that i am not strong at all:sad: i dont know what tomorrow will bring for me, i dont know if i will even make it to friday for the funeral and thats the Gods honest truth!