Never been in love and its killing me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LiverpoolFTW, Jul 21, 2007.

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  1. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    I've never been in love properly, i'm 35 and i've just not managed to make any kind of meaningful attachment in my life. The loneliness is killing me, or precisely making me want to kill myself. I've had girlfriends, sex, relationships of sorts. I've been in love of a kind with people, but they didn't love me, and other people have loved me without me loving them. But i've never been in love with someone who loved me.

    I had a bad childhood and have suffered with depression and anxiety all my life. I'm worthless really and no woman would want me. With love i'd be a different person, happier, more confident, not an emotional cripple or social leper. I wouldn't be a perfect human being by a wide margin but i'd have some sense of self belief, a place to be, a direction. I just don't know who i am. I need to see myself thru someone else's eyes cos all i see of myself is worthless.
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    we all need love! and love it self hurts.
    Have you tried online?
  3. thething912

    thething912 Well-Known Member

    I'm sure you will someone.

    I'll try to help you.
  4. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    I've tried online yeah, i met my last girlfriend that way. She was ok, a nice person, but we were more like friends. There wasn't any love. The good thing about the net is that i can be as confident and chatty as i like, i can talk to anyone on the net. But i cant talk to anyone in person, i'm painfully shy and couldn't talk to a woman, even if i fancied her, for lets say weeks. The bad thing about the net is that lots are reluctant to meet people off the net, cos you cant see what you are getting till it arrives, so to speak.
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2007
  5. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    ive had a couple of online reltionships. (never met them though, due to distance) but you can share photos and stuff or even web cam. No all people on the net are the stereotypical "weirdos". I just figure that if you cant meet any/or are too shy in real life then the net is the way to go...
  6. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    I am the sterotypical weirdo. That is what you get for being detached from your emotions and other people for 35 years. The girlfriend i met was a weirdo herself and so to the one before that.

    I should really try dating women who aren't weirdos, cos it isn't getting me very far anyway. I have a very distorted sense of who i am, amongst other things.
  7. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    LivFTW,I don't think you're a weirdo and I don't know any of the girl's/women you've met been out with so I can't say anything about them.You may just be very confused about thing's,and maybe because you're feeling down you think that thing's will never happen for you.The best thing to try and do is to let thing's happen and try not to place so much emphasis on them,I know it's not easy but you can only try your best.
  8. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    Well, the guy I think I love, doesn't love me back, and I told him I thought I was in love with him..I told him I was trying to get over him, so by getting over him, I met this other guy, but this other guy started talking about getting married to me and stuff the first night..and that was fast...but anyways, I have never been in love with some 1 who was in love with me either..or for my age(sisince I"m 17) I never had a crush that liked me back, or someone liked me, but I didn't like them back..I know how that feels, so maybe we should all stop looking for love in all the wrnong places, if not stop looking for love at all, and be patient and wait on God to bring the right person to us..I know some of you are 35 and over or younger..and this is so hard for me to say..but its true...Maybe we should just stop looking for love..

    But, I am uner the belief that I will be a virgin forever because I love 1 person for over 2 years and never got that love in return..just blak answers and straight up lies..but thats a whole different story...Just want you to know,,,that right now..I feel your pain...!! I feel your pain whole heartedily..:)..or :(-LOVE DON'T LOVE ME!
  9. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    Ace - Being weird or not is subjective i suppose. I'm not weird to everyone and everyone is weird to some degree. But its also true my feelings and emotions are mangled, because i've never been able to release all my life/thoughts/feelings to anyone.

    Shalema - I know what you are saying, but i have to look, cos otherwise i meander thru life and nothing changes, i have years and years of experience to tell me this unfortunately. I have to change my mindset in other ways tho, to try and not make the same mistakes.
  10. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    I"ve never had sex before..atleast you got that..!!:rolleyes:
  11. JamJam

    JamJam Active Member

    Gees your 17 theres loads of 17 year olds who haven't had sex!
  12. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    In my experience online is the best way to meet a more wide variety of people then in real life simply because of how many people surf the net. You would otherwise never meet these people if the net never existed.

    You sound like a genuine person, likable as well. So i'm sure you will find someone. Don't give up ok. Keep going.

    Also there's nothing wrong with meeting people online. Those you think if it as a place for weirdo's are pathetic simply because of being soo narrow minded.

    Like I said, i'm sure you will find someone who understands you and has a special connection with you.
  13. Wormling

    Wormling Well-Known Member

    I am 22 and have never had a girlfriend, never had sex, never even kissed a girl X_X I look and look but never find a girl that will like me... =/ I believe I just have to try harder and smarter. Hopefully if you persevere as well, love will one day come knocking at your door.
  14. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    Well i've been the pub tonight. So i'm moderately drunk. There were so many women there, many of them single i presume, but i couldn't talk to any of them, i never can. It'd be better if i just didn't exist. And to be honest what with meaning very little to anybody else i practically don't exist already.
  15. yeh.

    yeh. Well-Known Member

    yesh it sucked,anyways, im drunk as also shy, it's weird..i remember being shy and talking on the net and really falling in love and laughing. i remember a guy, who was funny as i think he was depressed as anyways there are no time machines, sadly.i don't know why i'd like to go back to the age where at least i had fun on the it's like i've stopped caring for people, and when im not drunk i feel dead.

    some whores ask me for free sex now and then, and i could certainly do it;:however the fact that it will be an empty shit makes me just meh..i don't know, anyways i like talking with older adults. sometimes i think making a living will be worthwhile. but this shit really took a lot of my soul. a big bite. i don't know;:so yeh, the only way i wasn't shy was when i faked it all..made'em giggle and shit, and..nothing..i felt nothing..

    anyways, i also got this sense of who the fuck i am? BPD? pft who the fuck knows, pft anyfways.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 22, 2007
  16. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I guess my problem is that I'm attracted to unattainable, neurotic women. I can't stand bland personalities (even though my own is bland). But at the same time, I know the women I fancy are completely out of my league. Well, especially since I'm a "loser" without a job or anything resembling a normal life.

    But even at the various times in my life when I was making a serious effort, it just wasn't to be. Never. Not once did a woman flirt with me (only jokingly). If I flirted with them, the reactions ranged from dimly amused, to mildly offended, to appalled. Of course, I always knew what the outcome would be before I even tried. Some would say I sabotaged myself. I say that's bullshit. They're just making that shit up because they just don't want to see that life is shit for some people and that some people will never be happy in this world the way it is.
  17. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    The specific reason for this downer was coming across someone in my art class. Its a mental health art class and we were bumped together with the abused womens group from another area for a watercolour class. And there was a scouse woman there, she wasn't pretty really, but not ugly, bit anorexic, bit i was hugely attracted to her. She could tell i was attracted to her and she was single so she gave me opportunities to talk to her. But i couldn't. I'll never see her again. Why couldn't i talk to her? what was the big deal? She was exactly what i like/want in a woman, but i still couldn't engineer a conversation. I hate it, i hate me.
  18. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Oh, I would never be able to talk to a woman I was attracted to in a setting and situation like that. I probably wouldn't even be able to look at her out of the corner of my eye.

    Maybe you're internalizing too much. Us shy folk tend to believe we're as worthless and as unattractive to the world as we feel but others might not necessarily be seeing us that way. She may very well have been just as shy as you were.

    But women can afford to be shy because it's the man who's expected to stick his neck out. We're just supposed to be able to take it if she cracks up laughing at our inept attempts at flirtation. And unfortunately, that happens to us often enough that some of us get to the point to where we're no longer willing to risk it. It hurts.
  19. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    Actually I asked a guy out once and got laughed at by him (and by some of his friends for days after too) :sad:

    Just so you know, it's not just a guy thing :hug:
  20. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    I need someone else to see value in me, family say there's nothing wrong with me and i'm nice n pleasant n sociable but they don't count. It has to be a girlfriend, then i'll believe it. But right now i'm unlovable, and until that changes i'll stay single. So i'm trapped in a vicious circle. As ever.

    I'd probly have to ask 10 women out to get 1 date. And i cant even ask 1 out. So i don't stand much of a chance. You will get chatted up and asked out by loads of confident guys, if you give them the chance. I'm not saying things are easier for women overall, cos in some respects they are more difficult. But i wish it was the woman's job to ask the guy out, not the other way around, i doubt i'd be single and i'd be much happier.
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