:@ never been so alone and terrified

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MissMisery, Apr 27, 2008.

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  1. MissMisery

    MissMisery Well-Known Member

    so been worst day ever so far!
    ysterday i didnt binge and throw up and had a little drink not too uch didnt want to get wrecked cos makes me feel worse.

    anyways, fed up now. am alone and scared to death atm im eating wen i dont want to and throwing up but never seem satisfied n not getting everything up so im goin to be in massive agony later and i cant do all this anymore,. i cant cry or scream or anything to get this feeling out.

    i knw the thoght of it is worse than it actualkly is but its the dread of how its goin to come back up and having to see if ive managed successfully.

    and im alone i want my mum so much i want to cry and be held and have all this fear and life go away and made better.

    i just cant even relax anymore. and in company like lastnight had a friend round and even wen i spent time with my mum and having an ok day like we had. i felt so down and alone, more than ever. like so alien to everything like nothing around me is real anymore and nobody can help me anymore and im crying now and it hurts so much. help!

    seriously whats happening to me, wer am i and wats going to happen tonight i want to get away i have to go throw up now and hopefully no more bingeing.

    im so alone. and cant express how terrifying the whole thing is. everyday all day. alone with this.

    and the fact that yesterday the sun, my mum, a nice day drinking and i cudnt even get any drink down me ahrdly. just sat ther thinking and worrying about my stomach how it might play up n hurt if i mess it up with drink. im dominated by it. i hate it. i feel so spacey as usual and out of it and my stomach hurts and part of me just wants to end it all now just a quick escape if i had the guts, but all i can think of is my mum how much i just wish to god she could help me. i wish sumthing wud stop this pain this fear is killing me i swear i cant breathe i cant think i cant cry properly i cant throw up properly anymore.

    i cant live anymore. i cant hardly smile anymore, wen i smiled a lot yesterday my fukin face ached literally u knw wat a sad person i dont knw wer the real hayley went i really dont :'(

    please god help me, thats all i think im not religious but i swear i cant take this shit im terrified and putting things off and i want my mum i really want this to just leave me alone. the food to get out of me and fuck off and leave me the disgusting diseased lump inside me fukin ruining my insides and if anything digests its as if its the plague or aids im that messed up.

    please wat do i do :'( :'(
     
  2. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    MissMisery -
    talk to me - let everything -- im here and i want to help you -- Im not gonna say i know how u feel cuz when i get that from someone else it doesnt help but with everything im going thru i think i could help maybe if u'll talk about it. if u can tell me where is your mom, what happened? i dont want to push u -- but id like more information.

    Im here for u (((BIG HUGS)))
     
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