never chosen

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Malcontent, Oct 16, 2009.

  1. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    I haven't posted in a while, I don't like sharing my feelings any more there doesn't seem to be much point, but I need to have a whinge. I don't know if anyone will care but, yeah... nevermind...

    I'm so fucking tired of always being second best. Anyone who I have feelings for always wants someone else more than me. I don't blame anyone for that, no one can help the way they feel and at least I do actually have people in my life that care. But it just gets me down so much. I've been cheated on in nearly all my relationships and I just don't know why. I'm not that bloody bad. Ok so I'm far from perfect, I'm depressive, I'm quiet, I'm way too intense sometimes. But I'm not a bad person. There's all these people who lie, cheat, beat their partners, and yet they still have someone who loves them. Am I really worse than that? I guess I must be... I try to convince myself that I hate the rest of the human race, but it's the exact opposite. I love so many people, in the sense that I care about them and would do anything I can to protect them and make them happy. Even the person who I'm in love with right now, I could've been angry but where's the point in that? She's happy, that's all that matters. It's just another nail in the coffin, more evidence that I'm just not good enough. Maybe being an eternal runner-up is all I'll ever achieve, if it goes wrong I can get used for sex till the next better person comes along. It's happened before, maybe that's all I'm worth. Maybe I should stop dreaming that I'll ever be needed by someone. I see so many bad things and so much pain in the world, but at the same time there's so much wonder, so much beauty. I just want to share that with someone special, someone who I can give my world to and who I can give all the love in my heart to. And I really do have so much love to give, so much that it feels like my heart will explode with it all. I wish I didn't feel it, I just want to give up. But like a fool I wont, I'll keep getting back up and hoping again. I just can't shake this feeling that I'm fooling myself and it'll never happen.
     
  2. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    Malbert :(

    One day you will find that person who will have all those great qualities that you have and want to share them with you. that person has to be worth waiting for and finding. you are a good person and dont deserve to be treated badly by others. the world sadly seems to work like this sometimes, but if you can, try to look forward to finding that person with the same outlook and qualities that you have :hug:
     
  3. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    I found that though. I finally found someone decent, intelligent, incredibly attractive, funny, and she actually liked me! I just wasn't good enough. And she blames herself. I'm trying so hard not to believe that all I'm worth is the people in my past who've treated me like crap, but what if it's true.
     
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    You know everything i'm gonna say, just wanted to stop by and give you a hug :hug:

    Remember the accent :wink: :tongue:
     
  5. punk0r1f1c

    punk0r1f1c Well-Known Member

    Wow, do I know you? Because you sound exactly like me!
    It seems as though I have been through a lot of similar experiences, especially recently with finding a really good catch and losing them.
    It gets me down when I start to think about how good things could have been. Or, how I have been used then discarded like a tissue. I've been crushed for no good reason by women.
    But then I realize that the past is the past and there's nothing I can do about it. So when I get into a good situation with a girl I try to enjoy as much as I can instead of worrying about how or when it's going to end. And if it does end I move on, there's always something bigger and better out there that you may not be aware of so keep looking and keep hope.
     
  6. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Im a bit like you Mal - i can be quiet, often depressive, and sometimes a bit too intense. People want to talk fluff sometimes, and im not really interested. Probably cause I know nothing about pop culture, apart from games, and even then only online games. Thats been the case in chat every time ive been in there recently (3 or 4) times. I give up on it. Its a class A time waster with not a single positive for me...unlike gaming for example, which I still enjoy occassionally.

    Relationship wise...wow its hard. I wouldnt expect anyone to put up with my cycles as they are now...casual is about the best I could do, and thats pretty much what Im in right now. Relationship wise I think ive come full circle, and im at a good compromise for the time being.

    I think you have a kind heart Mal, hope you snag a keeper sooner or later.