never escape..until death

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by lost_child, May 20, 2008.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I wish I was dead, I don't belong, I've been trying for a few days to keep fighting, to keep reaching out, but I don't know, maybe its just not meant to be and I am meant to die. I don't feel I belong, not even on here i'm just a name, with no meaning, no nothing. probably not even believed, most days i don't believe me.

    We live in silence everyday.
    never able to find away.
    to break away from this curse
    bound so tight, makin things worse.
    The silence stays alone in my mind.
    never able to leave the past behind
    arguments so deep inside
    but inside they stay and continue to hide.
    I've tried, lord knows I've tried
    to break the silence, so I don't have to hide
    but feelings of self loath, self hate
    just continue to add to the internal debate.
    No one will understand, you can't even explain
    why you have these thoughts, so mad and insane
    the destructive behaviour, The crazy ways.
    oh well its just one of those days.
    Try to explain, in words you understand
    don't even come close to hand.
    Words are confusing, lead to don't knows
    or maybe its because I can't deal with anymore blows.
    My words, are whacky, insane and mad
    just like me so bad and sad.
    Instead of saying what I feel
    I become a fraud, so unreal
    I say lifes "great"
    don't need a soul mate
    I laugh, I joke
    well who needs to know its because of the coke.
    and then I get annoyed, angry and mad
    why can't people see inside I'm sad
    I push everyone away,
    and then get lonely when they stray
    I try in my own way, to say help me please
    but then I close down and freeze.
    I try to evaluate why I react how I do
    why I always feel like poo
    Why I remain with arguments in my mind
    why I can't just leave the past behind.
    Why the past controls who I am.
    why I feel no1 gives a damn.
    Struggling through each day,
    but still I have to smile and say I am ok.
    until the day comes when ok, see's me fade away.
    Silenced from such a young age,
    still here I am trapped in that cage
    even after years have passed
    I am still trapped in the past.
    Never mind its only me
    tomorrow will come and I will be free..
    Sadly, tomorrow never comes, so trapped I will always be.
     
  2. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    thats so deep and i can understand your cries.

    if you ever want to talk, please PM me
     
  3. if you were meant to die you wouldn't still be here. next month will be the 20th anniversary of when my abuser got arrested.i've heald on to this crap for20 years and it's gotton me absolutely nowhere.i feel like i should be dead most of the time too,i have 2 boys and i have to make myself look at their pics up on the wall every day.not as easy as it sounds.but hang in there,we will make it!
     
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