I wish I was dead, I don't belong, I've been trying for a few days to keep fighting, to keep reaching out, but I don't know, maybe its just not meant to be and I am meant to die. I don't feel I belong, not even on here i'm just a name, with no meaning, no nothing. probably not even believed, most days i don't believe me. We live in silence everyday. never able to find away. to break away from this curse bound so tight, makin things worse. The silence stays alone in my mind. never able to leave the past behind arguments so deep inside but inside they stay and continue to hide. I've tried, lord knows I've tried to break the silence, so I don't have to hide but feelings of self loath, self hate just continue to add to the internal debate. No one will understand, you can't even explain why you have these thoughts, so mad and insane the destructive behaviour, The crazy ways. oh well its just one of those days. Try to explain, in words you understand don't even come close to hand. Words are confusing, lead to don't knows or maybe its because I can't deal with anymore blows. My words, are whacky, insane and mad just like me so bad and sad. Instead of saying what I feel I become a fraud, so unreal I say lifes "great" don't need a soul mate I laugh, I joke well who needs to know its because of the coke. and then I get annoyed, angry and mad why can't people see inside I'm sad I push everyone away, and then get lonely when they stray I try in my own way, to say help me please but then I close down and freeze. I try to evaluate why I react how I do why I always feel like poo Why I remain with arguments in my mind why I can't just leave the past behind. Why the past controls who I am. why I feel no1 gives a damn. Struggling through each day, but still I have to smile and say I am ok. until the day comes when ok, see's me fade away. Silenced from such a young age, still here I am trapped in that cage even after years have passed I am still trapped in the past. Never mind its only me tomorrow will come and I will be free.. Sadly, tomorrow never comes, so trapped I will always be.