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Never felt soo low.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by MaNg0s, Apr 14, 2008.

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  1. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    I have been depressed for a couple of years now but it has never been this bad. It has come to a point where all I want to do is sleep because every time I'm awake I am breaking down every hour or so. I have stopped taking my medication as it just made me feel more suicidal. Now for the past 3 weeks I have been wanting to end my life and 2 days ago I attempted to hang myself but failed miserably but when I tried again I stopped because I did not want to hurt my family or my friends.

    Because of this I fucking hate my family and friends i just want this pain to end and it won't it is eating away at me. I would like to tell my parents how I feel but they are going through a lot my mum recently had an operation for breast cancer so the family is already down enough as it is. But I feel like I cannot take this pain any more. I have also started cutting again not much just a few cuts on my wrist.

    I have no idea what to do any more.
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Hey there MaNg0s,

    right now I can't post a long reply, but I just wanted to let you know that I've read your post and that you're not alone. I know it's not much, as we're all only connected through wires and screens, but it's something..


    I'll try and get back to you with a proper reply tomorrow.
  3. stinkymouse

    stinkymouse Well-Known Member

    darm right you are not alone,that could easily have been written by me,im just taking it one day at a time,and saying to myself"today i will not kill myself" and im still here,i tried to kill myself back in feburary and was in hospital for 8 days,it does hurt the family,but hang in there buddy i know what you are going though.
  4. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Okay, like I said, I'd try and come up with a more helpful reply today, so here goes...

    You say you've stopped your medication. Can I ask what meds you were on? And are you seeing a therapist?

    I can understand you hating your family and friends, or rather the fact that they care. That's part of depression. It distorts your self-image. You might feel worthless and you just can't get your head to the 'why's of life. Why do I feel like this? Why do they care? etc etc.
    The breakdowns you're talking about, are understandable too. But that doesn't make it any easier, eh? Have you tried, doing stuff like exercising? Fresh air, and the endorphines (I think that's what it's called) your body produces can have a positive effect on your mood. And besides that, distraction can always help..

    You say you don't talk to your family cos of the things you're all going through already (sorry to learn about your mother btw :sad: wishing her a speedy recovery :hug: ), but are there any people outside your family (friends, teachers, therapist) you could talk to? And I know it's not much, but of course you're always more than welcome to come on here and talk to us. :hug:

    Also I'm sorry to hear you turned to cutting to cope :hug: Perhaps you can find other alternatives to that? There is a good thread for alternative coping stickied in the self-harm forum. Might be worth having a look at :smile:

    Sending you some (virtual) hugs

    BOLIAO Guest

    A few months back, exactly same situation. medication can play havoc on feelings just like popping estacy pills. But u can't just go cold turkey. need to see ur doc for change of meds.
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