So..Here goes In June of 06 I found the love of my life. She came into the place I used to work, one thing led to another and we were together. This past sept, she decided to break up with me. Her reasons were that I never show her any emotion and the fact that I had yet to tell her that I loved her. Although I've been in numerous relationships before, the feelings I'm having since she broke up with me are crazy. I have no idea what this girl did to me, but I am so crazy in love with her, its kinda scary. I felt like my heart slammed against a wall knowing I might never be with her again. I cry myself to sleep just about everynight. I do sales for a living and my sales have greatly decreased because I'm so depressed over her. Theres alot more about my feelings that I don't feel like typing. I've just never ever felt this much pain and suffering in my entire life. Everyday I'm driving to work I wish someone would wreck into me just so she would come see me and worry about me. About 2 months ago I actually went and bought a gun, I was 100% ready to make the ultimate sacrifice. I actually sent a picture of the gun through a text message to her then I shut my phone off. Luckily within minutes of leaving the gun store, my current Boss called me. He had just bought a quad off ebay and needed me and my truck to drive a few hours away to pick it up. Next thing I know, I'm 3 hours from home loading a quad in the back of my truck and all a sudden I get sourrounded by cop cars. Little did I guess, my ex G/F did a 3-way onstar call with the state police (I drive a brand new silverado) and had them track my truck through GPS. I had the gun with me but un-loaded. I also had a box of bullets but they were locked in my trucks storage thing. The cops let me go because I completely lied to them about my intentions with the gun. The following week, I re-sold the gun back to the place I bought it. Soon to follow, my ex G/F and I were hanging out again, kissing, sex, etc... Then all a sudden she wants nothing to do with again for absolutely no reason. Its like she intentionally plays with my emotions and throws me in so many different directions. Its like no matter what she does to me or how rude she is, it doesn't bother me. I'd give anything in the world to have her back in my arms. She's the ultimate caring person, she always took care of me with everything. She's so incredibly beautiful and I miss having her in my arms. I tried going to talk with a therapist but I hated it. They make me so damn angry. Guess what I'm here to say or explain is that I am still HIGHLY considering ending it all. The pain I go through everyday, the amount of crying I do, its all way to much for me to handle anymore. I can't move on without her, she means way to much to me. I just feel like it would be so much better if I weren't around anymore. She told me a few weeks ago that I could spend xmas with her. She made me promise a $150 limit on gifts. Of course I didn't listen. I have a new $1450 Pink dell labtop for her, a $1200 dollar diamond necklace, and tons of other little things. The only thing that makes me happy is doing things for her, AKA spending money. I'm really hoping she stands to her words about being with her on xmas. If I call her xmas morning and she doesn't want me there, I am really really afraid of what I might do.