never fitted in

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by date542, Jun 24, 2009.

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  1. date542

    date542 New Member

    hi i`m mark, just turned 40...felt bad for years...dont know where to turn..tbh think its over....formed no friendships or relationships..not one....made pathetic attempt at suicide when i was 21...spent 20s and 30s feeling like crap....should have been out there enjoyin younger brother..different to me...good lookin ..popular..good job...easy going..likeable....capable...all the things i`m not...18 months ago..he committed warning..he had it fault..think he got idea from me....he was a kid when i my self loathing low self esteem that i`ve had all my life....where is it going? tried session with counselor bout 10 yrs ago after bein on waiting list for about 6 months..she said stop feelin sorry for myself and think of people who are bed ridden....absolutely right..never been physically ill in my life.....get this feeling i`m gonna live to 92....and every single day gonna be like the last 40 years.....miserable....
  2. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Hi Mark, am 40 next year, just wanted to welcome you to the site :) You probably already know this but there's lots of ugly dead end jobs.....unlikeable.... and incapable people who think they are God's gift to mankind, compared to your brother who you say was good lookin ..popular..good job...easy going..likeable....capable who will commit suicide, so the answer seems clear, the latter have depression the former do not.

    Why this is the case I don't think anyone knows but they do know it happens, any counsellor who told you you get over yourself clearly has no idea of the effect depression has on a persons mind.
  3. date542

    date542 New Member

    when i say relationship..i mean of any no mates at all..hate goin out in public..dont go to pub...cinema.only go out when i need to....but i know while i keep my head down when i`m standing in a a queue at the supermarket i`ve got no chance..and at 40....missed out on the sorta stuff i should have been doin in my 20s and 30s.....

    my younger brother who was very popular..had loads of mates...easy goin,funny guy..capable..good lookin..had a well paid job.....think he looked down on me a bit....regarded me as an embarrassment.....he took his own life 18 months warning....

    makes me wonder if a guy like that does summat like that..where does that leave me..... dont know wot i want from life..never have..just bumbled along...honestly dont think i`m meant to be here....never fitted good at anything..made no conection with anyone...

    would have been great to have fitted have contributed...but at end of day...not meant to be here and people dont like you..not much i can do....

    i know this sounds like bleating...but when you cry yourself to sleep as a grown man then theres a major malfunction somewhere down the line......

  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Mark and welcome to the forum.
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Your counsellor was completely out of line. Maybe it's time for you to give counselling a second chance, don't let the first time put you off trying again.
    I hope you'll receive lots of support here :hug:
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