hi i`m mark, just turned 40...felt bad for years...dont know where to turn..tbh think its over....formed no friendships or relationships..not one....made pathetic attempt at suicide when i was 21...spent 20s and 30s feeling like crap....should have been out there enjoyin myself....my younger brother..different to me...good lookin ..popular..good job...easy going..likeable....capable...all the things i`m not...18 months ago..he committed suicide....no warning..he had it all....my fault..think he got idea from me....he was a kid when i tried.....now my self loathing low self esteem that i`ve had all my life....where is it going? tried session with counselor bout 10 yrs ago after bein on waiting list for about 6 months..she said stop feelin sorry for myself and think of people who are bed ridden....absolutely right..never been physically ill in my life.....get this feeling i`m gonna live to 92....and every single day gonna be like the last 40 years.....miserable....