I know this is long, but I encourage everyone out there who is suffering to please read this. Today, a lot of things have happened. A lot of things, that I just want to shout to the sky. Yes they were bad, but there was also good that came out of it. Lately, I have been despairing a lot, hell if you just look at my previous posts you'd see NOTHING but despair... But today, things have changed. Today, I lost a part of myself but in turn found a new side of myself, I learned of the strength within me. Previously, my one and only hope, was that my ex would come back to me. For a short time, I was starting to believe it. After a few weeks of little to no contact, we've been talking to each other nonstop and I was starting to believe that things would return to how they used to be. I even had a date with her yesterday, but things turned out differently than I had hoped. In the end, she chose someone else, chose someone she knew far longer than me, that she related to more than me, and ultimately, loved more than me. At first, I was devastated, it was bad enough she lead me on a few weeks before, but she lead me on again. I was frustrated, and I was even on the verge of trying to commit suicide again. But unlike last time, I reached out to someone. I reached out to the closest person I know. I reached out to my best friend. Instead of trying to deal with this problem alone, instead of despairing and try to end my life, I reached out to find help. And I did, the talk I had with my friend got me through my despair, it got me through my sadness. Sure, it still hurts, and I feel like I lost apart of myself. But I know who my friends are, and as long as I have my friends, then I know I can go through with this and any hardships that come my way. After months of thinking nonstop of her, after months of believing that we could and should be together, I learned to let go. I learned to let go, and moved on. Even though it hurts, I will become stronger with this pain, and I know now not to make the same mistakes should I ever fall in love with another girl. This pain won't make me suffer, it will make me stronger. Today, I would of been dead. Today I would not of been posting here. Today I would of xxxx I bought, and I would leave many of my friends sad and distressed. So please, to anyone out there dealing with sorrow and pain, be it love or any other, please I implore you to reach out to someone. A friend, a loved one, a family member. Reach out and talk to them, because it does make a difference. I've gotten closer to my friends than I have ever had before, and it was because of my ex that I have. I have to thank her for that, I have to thank her for making me stronger and if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't of made such great friends. So please, reach out, talk to someone. You don't have to deal with this pain alone.