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never good enough

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by crunchie, Jun 6, 2012.

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  1. crunchie

    crunchie Well-Known Member

    I am never good enough, never skinny enough, never happy enough. I don´t take things serious enough, or keep in touch.

    I don´t know why, but at some point in life I lost all meaning, self confidence and happiness. I am a waste of space, there is nothing left for me. I find no pleasure in anything anymore. I know I am supposed to be proud that I made it to be a doctor, but I feel like it isnt good enough.. I know I might look like a success to some people. But not to me. Because I know what they don´t, I know I´m fooling them, the system, my family. I am not smart, or pretty, or funny. I have no qualities. Right now the hole I´m in seems so deep that no rope could reach me. But I do wonder sometimes, if I did get help, would it help me? Would talking to a psychiatrist do anything for me, or would it make me worse? Do I need medication for my depression, or am I managing the best I can on my own? Nobody can really answer these questions for me, I am merely thinking out loud.

    Would I be happy if I was skinny, beautiful and had a boyfriend? Or would I still doubt myself as much as I do now.. I think I would.. I think it´s inside me, not really dependent on external factors.

    I have the tools to die, but I still don´t see that as the best solution. Not tonight. Tonight is just another night to cry, and wish that life was just easy, and happy.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    mmm i thought as you did being a professional so hard to reach out for support . We care for so many we tend to put our needs last or minimize them . I can tell you it took me years to go get some help To embarrassed maybe did not want others to see the true me inside the one that was dying slowly.
    YOU can feel better the medication does relieve some of the sadness but it is therapy that does the work on changing your internal thoughts and feelings A good psychologist will help you change the most. Everyone needs help hun at one point in their lives why wait any longer do something for YOU okay go talk to a psychologist just see what happens hugs
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well with the weight loss thing, I will first refer you to this thread that I made. Second I will say that it requires commitment and dedication. However, of all the things that you can fix it is the easiest to fix. Mainly because you can put numbers too it. You can say I lost 20 lbs or I am down to 15% body fat or something like that. You can take a before picture and then 6 months later take an after picture and see a difference. If you are commited that it is. I have lots plenty of weight over the past two years. So if you want advice on how to lose weight give me a PM. One thing I have noticed, especially in females, if you lose a bunch of weight and go from being the fat girl to the hot girl. Your confidence goes up 100+ points. I have seen it with several females.
  4. crunchie

    crunchie Well-Known Member

    I don´t know what kind of an impact it would have on my career if it was known that I am seeing a psychiatrist, or take medication for depression. People still don´t seem to accept mental illness the same way as they do physical.. And I don´t know if I have the self-esteem to stand up for myself, and keep my head up during treatment.. I´m not strong enough to cope with things.. I can´t cope with anything these days.. But maybe you are right, maybe I do really need to get help, and who knows, maybe it saves my life..
  5. crunchie

    crunchie Well-Known Member

    Hi forgotten man..
    I´m not actually fat, I just can´t seem to ever feel comfortable in my own body.. My weight varies, but I´m always in the normal BMI range.. I don´t think I would magically be happy if I got really skinny.. I would love to feel attractive, and comfortable, but I think the psychological aspect of my self-hatred is keeping me from that. I have no positive feelings about me, and that is what it boils down to.. Even though I would love the body of your tractor wheel pushing babe...
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :/ You kind of miss the message. You should channel that self-hatred into improving yourself, you would be surprised at what you could accomplish. You would be surprised if you took that self-hatred and channeled it into working out, learning a new skill or something like that. You would accomplish a great deal. It does not have to be fitness, it can be anything.

    Plus if you take that time and obsess a bit you won't have time to think about your self-hatred.
  7. Louis03

    Louis03 Well-Known Member


    I would say, start working out. If you can get into it, it does do quite a lot for your self-esteem.
    You have to enjoy the process, though, not just the end-result. :)

    Whatever the reason you feel this way... You can search for the reasons why, I'm sure there must be some,
    but maybe more important is the knowledge that you can change it. Slowly but surely. Do things for yourself,
    so you can be the person YOU want to be..

    Talking to someone can't hurt either. There's really not that much stigma associated with it anymore and anyway confidentiality is part of the deal.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 8, 2012
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