Never had a Boyfriend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by BlackKitty, Nov 5, 2013.

  1. BlackKitty

    BlackKitty Active Member

    Unlike (seems like everyone else) I have never had a Boyfriend. I have been asked out more than once, but the guys who ask me out always seem like scumbags. They usually are like "Hey Baby want to go out sometime?" I think "I don't even know you." I am an introvert and get anxious during social gatherings. For a long time when I was in high school I convinced myself that I was too ugly and fat for anyone to want to go out with me. Then in my early twenties I convinced myself that I'm not meant to be with anyone and I'll probably die alone. I didn't go to a University only Community College and I always thought if I had gone to a University I would probably be married by now.
    Now I'm 29 and alone. I feel lost and now think I should just become a Nun at this rate.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are still very young why not try to apply to a university to a course you are interested in meet new people
     
  3. JustKindaThere

    JustKindaThere Well-Known Member

    I'm a little bit younger than you (24) and have never had a boyfriend either. Nobody's ever asked me out, men just seem to completely overlook me. But like you, I'm extremely introverted and don't open up to people easily. Guys seem to always go for the pretty, outgoing girls who smile and talk a lot...
     
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I can relate to a lot of what you said...I've never had a boyfriend, either. I mostly get hit on by guys only looking for one thing, and I want more than just that. I'm also an introvert and mostly feel uncomfortable around people. I've convinced myself that I'm not worth being with, and that I'm just hideous. But I'm sure that you aren't this bad person that you make yourself out to be, and I'm sure it's the same for myself. It's hard to see that though, because of the depression. But don't give up hope, because you never know what can happen in the future. It sounds cliche, but you usually find someone when you least expect it.
     
  5. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    I guess it is harder for introvert female to find their soulmate. I'm an introvert too, and socially anxious, but I've dated some girls. I'm sure you will find someone though, usually when you least expect it :p

    A sweet guy that will make you happy, feel respected, and not anxious :)
     
  6. BlackKitty

    BlackKitty Active Member

    thanks you guys, I'm glad that I'm not alone
     
  7. greenieguy

    greenieguy Banned Member

    This makes me feel a bit better because i wonder if girls are just introverts or conceited. im an average looking dude i guess but girls that seem about my level seem more coinceded then the coiceded super model girls. I never really thought maybe they are shy i assumed they just thought they were better then me. Remember guys that jit on you with cheesy pick up lines have a lot of sucess with girls so tjey see the signs better but us average guys arent as good at picking up on hints so make sure your shyness comes off as shyness and not being coinceded
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I've went through boyfriends(I'm 24) and honestly wish I never had. Used and abused and lied to and got no respect. I wish I never had a boyfriend so that i could take the time to find the perfect man for me, of course anxiety is an issue but i believe i will find someone right for me. Best of luck to you :)
     
  9. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    Trust me, I had many boyfriend's in my life and many of them were horrible towards me. Lots of guys who asked me out.... are the same type of guys who came up to you. I'm not even married yet and I'm 30 years old. It will take time until you find the right person for you, it's not good to go rushing for a boyfriend. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and not date any of the guys I did cause my last boyfriend was emotionally and verbally abusive. One day you'll find a great guy who loves you for you, don't lose hope okay. :hug:
     
  10. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member


    im 41 and alone and i feel the same way as you do....
     
  11. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Right girls!

    Firstly, stop looking to a man to make it all good.
    Get some solid girlfriends, have fun...my God what I wouldn't give to say I was 29 LOL!
    There is more to life than men, believe me, and what's wrong with having some male friends?
    I had loads of male friends (and girlfriends) having gone to a mixed sex school, none of us felt the need to take that friendship any further and we were enriched by the experience.
    I did date one friend (off and on for years) and being friends first took all the awkwardness out of the "dating" process, 30 years on we are still firm friends. :)
    Not looking at a man as a "possible" mate for life, means he won't feel freaked out or pressured into anything, there is nothing more unattractive (in either sex) than someone who comes over as desperate.
    Have fun, love and respect yourself and you'll see you will become much more attractive to the opposite sex and not attract the ratbags so much.
     
  12. Ladyofthewoods

    Ladyofthewoods New Member

    Hi BlackKitty,

    I'm 29 as well and have never really had a boyfriend. There have been some guys here and there but nothing serious. In reading your post, I see it as a huge positive that despite feeling alone, you haven't thrown yourself at every scumbag that has hit on you. I know of a few people who prefer to be in a relationship with a scumbag than in no relationship at all.

    Being single hasn't been easy so I feel as though I can relate. I've had my ups and downs with it. There are times when I'm honestly fine with not being in a relationship— when being single isn't so bad. Then there are times where it hurts like heck and I wonder, "Will I ever get married?" Seems like it gets harder with each passing year as I see more and more of my peers one by one getting married and starting a family. I honestly don't know if I'll ever get married. I'd like to but who knows what the future holds.

    In the meantime, I think it's important to grow as an individual. To learn to be happy with who I am and learn to love myself before I can really love someone else. All this has been a struggle for me though. I’m also pretty introverted and have dealt with my share of anxiety. It’s hasn’t been easy. You can always message me if you’d like to talk :) I’ll end with some quotes I found pretty interesting:

    “An intimate relationship does not banish loneliness. Only when we are comfortable with who we are can we truly function independently in a healthy way, can we truly function within a relationship. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to a healthy relationship: it takes two wholes.”
    — Patricia Fry

    “Immature people falling in love destroy each other’s freedom, create a bondage, make a prison. Mature persons in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy all sorts of bondages. And when love flows with freedom there is beauty. When love flows with dependence there is ugliness.

    A mature person does not fall in love, he or she rises in love. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. Now they cannot manage and they cannot stand. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have the integrity to stand alone.

    A mature person has the integrity to stand alone. And when a mature person gives love, he or she gives without any strings attached to it. When two mature persons are in love, one of the great paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously alone. They are together so much that they are almost one. Two mature persons in love help each other to become more free. There is no politics involved, no diplomacy, no effort to dominate. Only freedom and love.”
    — Osho

    Sorry this is such a long post
     
  13. JustKindaThere

    JustKindaThere Well-Known Member

    I will end up in a mental hospital before I ever get one.
     
  14. cots

    cots Well-Known Member

    I felt like you a little while ago, feeling depressed about never having had a boyfriend.

    Now I'm here, feeling depressed because I had a boyfriend who told me he never loved me and only wanted to use me to satisfy his own needs.

    I wish I never had a boyfriend. I'm 25, if that's of importance.
     
  15. Anon06

    Anon06 Member

    Gotta love that honesty, at least. Even though he probably told you that only when it was already over. A lot of people are really selfish but do not admit this fact even to themselves and always wish to appear like good persons.

    The "mature persons" of this quote sound like superhuman. Honestly if someone were really that strong of a person would they even need a relationship? Probably not, since any "need" leads to a dependence to a certain degree and apparently mature persons dislike dependences. So what's the point of seeking this additional "help" if they can hold up just fine by themselves? It's just an accessory, an embellishment to their perfect life? A lot of people long for relationships in which there is dependence, in one way or the other. People are rarely on even grounds; it doesn't always end up in a dom/sub relationship but as far as I can see there is always one party who wants to own and one party who wants to be owned.
     
  16. whataname

    whataname Member

    I always tell myself, they don't know what they're missing or better to be in no relationship than a bad one.
     
  17. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I've either been with a guy that I like but he doesn't like me like that. Or, the guy would like me, but I don't like him. Then I would either use him and lead him on, or he would use me and lead me on. It's never been a mutual relationship. I am now finally alone and I am finding peace in myself and loving myself for who I am without being pressured to please the other person and become someone that I don't want to be. I hope I made sense...
     
  18. JMG

    JMG Well-Known Member

    Wow I see that a few diff people in here have said they are "29 without a bf", I don't feel so bad about that fact now since that is my age and I currently don't have a bf either. I really want one but am not willing to settle for there only being "some" of the elements there while others are not there at all. It truly needs to be balanced, other than that it is just a waste of time and energy. It isn't a matter of me "never" having had one at least and I am very glad for that but before I had ever had one it bothered me a lot also. Once I had one though I realized it was definitely not all it's cracked up to be in a lot of ways. Relationships get so glamorized through movies and the media. It's all done so they can make money cos the worse the average person feels about them-self the more likely they will be to go and buy stuff that they think will help them feel better and be able to get a bunch of stuff that you actually don't need at all.

    The more books you can read to get info about the truth then the freer you will be. Things truly are not as they seem, esp. with relationships more than anything else on the planet as far as I can tell. There is a lot more to life than that, and I know it is upsetting to not have someone when you want someone and I can completely relate since like I said I am feeling the sting of that pretty bad right now, but you have to do all you can to not let your mind tell you horrible, mean and utterly untrue things about yourself and how desirable or not you are. The stronger you can be in yourself the less important this part of life will be to you in a lot of ways. It is natural to "want someone" that is part of being human but it has to be for the right reasons not out of insecurity or for image types of reasons. It is truly a hollow victory in the end if those are your reasons. It can be hard for people to become aware that those are even the reasons they are doing what they are so help might be needed with it but there are lots of books that give good advice on how to sort out those kinds of priorities. The less power the ego has over a person the freer they are to not make choices that are controlled by it. You want to have control over your ego, not the other way around. Finding comfort with this kind of stuff pretty much always comes down to finding a way to be more comfortable and in touch with yourself and doing things in your life that are in harmony with that.
     
  19. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I'm 40 never had a boyfriend. Feel better.
     
  20. Bibliophile

    Bibliophile New Member

    I've had a few boyfriends (I'm 26), but I didn't have anyone interested in me until I was 22-23, which is when I lost my virginity. Relationships are always hard, and everyone starts them at different times. My last boyfriend, in his early thirties, had only lost his virginity the year prior to me meeting him, so you never know when things happen. In my experience, it's best to just try and work on yourself. Try and do the things you want to do, and be open to meeting people - but you should never feel pressured to go out with someone you don't like. I spent a lot of my adolescence and periods in my twenties thinking that I'll end up alone because I'm fat/ugly/useless/etc. but being with someone isn't always a measure of success. Having a life that you've lived and that you're happy with is a greater measure of success. I hope things get better for you :)