never had a clue...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by KittyGirl, Apr 7, 2010.

  1. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I was supposed to go back to my hometown last week to help a friend clean his place up and pack- so that he could move; I ended up not being able to go anywhere along though- because I attempted again.
    He kept asking me why I canceled, so I told him straight out; "I'm not allowed to go anywhere on my own."
    he kept asking why- and I said honestly; "I attempted again, so my mom is keeping a close watch on me."

    Then he was quiet.
    Didn't say a word.
    I'm an open person- I'm going to tell people what they want to know- truthfully if they keep asking me.
    Someone told me before though- that they didn't know what to say at all... like it just completely came out of left field.

    I've been depressed since I was fairly young; no one ever really noticed though. No one noticed that I was agoraphobic either, though-- even though I stayed in my room for almost 9 months; missed a whole school year and the board still allowed me to pass, even though I had practically no in class time.
    No one noticed that I was bulimic; even though I would spend half of lunch period in the bathroom-- throwing up.
    No one seems to notice these things... although they've been going on for years.

    I don't expect anyone to be able to say something really insightful and be able to cheer me up-- I don't want them to try.
    I just want them to accept it, and act normally. I'm not asking for special treatment.
    If you can't accept what I have to say, then just stop talking to me- because it's troublesome if you act like my fucking nanny or something; because suddenly you know what I've been going through.

    It's fine.
    I'm fine on my own-- if you can't handle it, then you can leave me, too. I'm prepared for that.
    I don't expect anything from anyone- so just do as you please, okay?
    I'm sorry for your troubles- and I'm sorry if you've gone through the experience of having someone you know commit suicide.
    Sorry for that, really I am.
    It happens though.
    I wouldn't have said a word to you if I'd have known that you would get so upset.
    I'm sorry.
    You could've really gotten a clue though... honestly.
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    My mom's boyfriend is the one who insists on paying the bills.
    He organizes the money and is supposed to pay everything every month- so that we have the amenities at all times~

    guess what was cut off today?
    no cooking, no laundry and no hot water for the rest of the month! horray!!!
    R, you are a moron. -___-
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i hear alot of pain and anger and rightly so. The ones that should see and hear don't they choose not to. Some cannot deal with mental illness honestly because they just don't get it. I am sorry you are hurting though but your friend probably doesn 't have a clue what to say or do I hope somehow you can get the professional help needed to stabilize these urges of yours these thoughts I feel for you and your mother who must be suffering her own pain silently as well take care.