Never had a girlfriend and I'm too scared...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Jonathan, Jul 2, 2011.

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  1. Jonathan

    Jonathan Well-Known Member

    Life for me is going OK right now. In fact I have never had it better. I am happy for the first time in 5 years.

    I'm 19 and I have never had a girlfriend or a relationship with the opposite sex.

    I'm kind of scared, but at the same time I also want another person to love me and vice versa.

    I don't know how it will go or how it will happen. I just want to be able to love another girl the same way she might appreciate me for being me.

    But I am always in doubt and asking questions, whether I am good enough or whether my life is good enough for her not to be bored of me.

    I guess I am scared since I have never experienced something like this before in my life, where all my friends have back in the UK and used to boast about it. - I was usually the guy that lagged behind.

    I don't know but just felt like posting this... ;) Any advice would be helpful....
     
  2. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    Young man there's no need to feel down, I said young man I was once in your shoes... :captain:

    Hang in there. It took me a long time to build better confidence and I still suck at it. LOL! Just be yourself and worry about your ambitions. Sometimes you get lucky and love finds you, and other times you're flushed down the drain like a terd. LOL!

    If it's any consolation I'm 23 and lonely too. :drunk: You may just be a sensitive guy, but don't be afraid to be a little aggressive too. :)
     
  3. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

  4. Jonathan

    Jonathan Well-Known Member

    I always find that when I am sitting next to a girl, I get so much anxiety and in the end I don't know what to talk about in the end. I can usually talk with other men easily, but I totally lose my head when it comes to girls. I just don't know what to talk about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That makes me worried, I don't want to end up that age without having some sort of relationship. :( Maybe I have time to change that now.
     
  5. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    EVERYONE has there own personality. The only way to find out what someone is interested in is to talk to them. Find out what interests you share with a person. It usually starts with something simple and then you can respond to what they say. Boom, conversation ensues, it goes well or it doesn't.

    The thing you need to remember is that everyone is insecure. I don't care how confident someone comes off as, deep down there's something they feel bad about. Some people are just better at hiding it.

    -Stay away from hot topics like religion, politics and the like until you are sure that is something you can discuss with that person.
    -Also, often what you say can be misinterpreted and that's just something you have to be careful about.
    -If someone doesn't like you for you, then get away from them.
    -Don't let yourself be taken advantage of.

    If I could go back to 19 with what I know now I'd be ecstatic. If I had one wish that's what I'd wish for.
     
  6. mchung

    mchung Well-Known Member

    You have to at least thank that the girls in middle tw is much more friendlier and have less self-esteem then northern tw xD. (partially joking, but its true!!)

    Anyways back to the topic. You, my friend, need a wing man. One that could filter and send girls suitable for you in your direction, presumably one that is good with girls, but will not steal all the attentions away from you.

    Display your good quality in front of them. Never come up appearing too strong or desperate, slow things down to a comfortable pace. Review the tactics with said wing man if the date failed. It takes a couple of times, until then you can observe things in action and learn a lot faster. Don't be shy, start with girls you've never met before and think, "I'll never see this girl again in my life, so why do I care what she thinks of me?" start a few conversations and till you are confident, move onto girls you like.

    I made finding a girl sounds like it is all about tactics and no emotions should be attached. Sadly, it is mostly true for girls in today's society. marriage is the real test of love, all relationships before it is just playing around.
     
  7. empty101

    empty101 Well-Known Member

    19?

    no biggie just make an effort and it'll happen
     
  8. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    Like was mentioned you're only 19, being without a girlfriend then is a common thing and really nothing to be ashamed about or to worry over. So many of us here are 30+ and alone, that's when it's sort of okay to fret about it but you still are young, no sense rushing into anything, also think worrying about it makes it harder to find one than having the attitude 'when it happens it'll happen for a good reason'.
     
  9. Jonathan

    Jonathan Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advise. But I am just wondering, how many silent or quiete people get girlfriends or do you know of any?

    Haha the trouble comes in making the effort. I try but apparently not hard enough or deep enough when it comes to moving something pass friendship.

    I don't know, what do you talk to random girls about? At least with girls you kind of know you can find something to talk about since you kind of know each other or ... I don't know lol.
     
  10. mchung

    mchung Well-Known Member

    You probably look like a foreigner? Just go up to random girl and say in pretended broken Chinese "Hey do you know...place?" then if shes friendly, free, and seems single, go with "if you are free, want to show me around? I'm new here" (now whatever the truth is, it doesn't matter. and the goal is not really to have her show you around, but to learn to ask that question without fearing rejection and embarrassment.) the whole point is not to find a girl friend, but to talk to girls and learn to not be afraid.

    If one do happen to agree, which I'd say is probably not gonna happen that fast...you can learn to talk with girls about fashions, pet, shopping, classes, colleges, outside activities, interest, movies, WHATEVER. Speak whatever comes to your mind (always remember to avoid awkward things though, try everything first and if the girls freaked out you know its awkward. so you can avoid it next time xD) You can also practice your flirting skills. At some point if you two seem to get along, you can switch to "not so broken" chinese, and admit that you have been in tw "kinda long" already. And say something random like "Oh you look so cute and gullible, I can't resist to lie to you." followed by something like "but you are just too innocent that watching you get lied to makes my heart break, so I am telling you the truth. I just find you attractive so I pretended to be foreign to get a chance to talk to you." whatever stuff... It won't be creepy if you say it right.

    Do you have a cell phone? PM me your number. Alex and I are probably going to visit tai chong seperately eventually, we can meet up : D
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 6, 2011
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