Never had a relationship of any sort

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Kohdii, May 21, 2010.

  1. Kohdii

    Kohdii Member

    Is this normal? I feel like I am ignoring a problem with my personality by avoiding relationships. Even when I try to meet someone I feel like I don't connect with people the same way others do. Please give me your opinion.
  2. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure what my opinion is, but I'm the same way. I'm 22 (turning 23 in a few months.. ahh) and this is my relationship history:

    In 6th grade at a dance I heard that this boy liked me and was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. I hid in the bathroom.

    /end of relationship history. lol.

    I have some friends, and sometimes I feel like I'm connecting, but other times I'm convinced that I'm not. I feel like I'm different from other people. I wish I could connect better but I don't know how.
  3. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    Well. I just know it sucks...
    I'm 22 and haven't been in a relationship before myself.
    To me its never felt like I don't connect with other people. I just wish I knew how to connect. I'm sure there are just certain things you do, certain hints you drop. I just don't know them.

    Welcome to the forums.
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I'm 22 and have only ever been in one relationship- so I'm not much help either, really. I think you need to figure out what it is that's holding you back from being in a relationship. It could be any number of things...

    How do you connect with other people? Do you *know* that it isn't the same as other people do...? I feel like you may just feel awkward and nervous- so you take that as a sign to run off and do something else rather than stick around and try.
    Then again- if you're young, not having been in a relationship is fairly normal. Lots of college aged people don't start attempting actual relationships until their late 20's; when they're in the 'real' world.

    Do you have friends?
    If the answer is yes- then I don't think it's really much of a problem. You're still interacting with people-- still demonstrating a level of trust.
    You may need to work on building your trust in other people if you really want to be in any sort of long relationship.
  5. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    geeze how many 22 year olds are going to post on here lol :joke:

    I'm 22 as well and just had my first relationship last year at 21. So don't feel bad, it's never too late. :cool:
  6. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    imo, i dont know what is 'normal;' or not.
    i can understand the feeling of notg 'connecting' with people like others do. i cant understand how people be friends and stuff.

    i never had a relationship of anyt sort.
    i knew aimee but it was a joke to her.
    i thought i also had a friend but he wasnt so i dont really know tbh.

    /seeing as how we are talking biout ages, im 24 btw.
  7. nimbus

    nimbus Well-Known Member

    i'm 39 and have only had one real relationship ever. about 10 years ago. he was great but i never was attracted to him. i would have been so much better off if i could have been attracted to him. he was kind and loving and i never deserved him.
  8. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I ask myself the question everytime I wake up in the morning. "Will I every find love?". Having just turned 37, I am pretty much to the point that I am not expecting to anymore. My sisterinlaw was harping on me today as to "lowering my standards, and just find anyone I can." That is fine and all, and I guess that I see her point, but at the same time, I cant bring myself to "settle" for someone that I am simply not attracted to, regardless of "personality". I dont think women understand that basic need and desire in men, that being the desire to be in a relationship with a sexually attractive person. I feel put down by certain close women relatives that try to say otherwise. I know they care, and only want me to be happy, but I am not happy with the idea of dating obese, overweight women.. Sorry, its just not an option, even with my lonelyness.

    As a result, I havnt had a serious relationship (more than a few dates) with any woman since my GF in highschool, and honestly, I now consider that to be little more than a foolish high school crush.

    I am just so incredibly crushed and doubtful anymore that my life will amount to anything. Im sorry to those who say otherwise, but to me, if I have no heirs, then what good am I to my extended family? I dont want to be the grumpy 65 year old uncle, dying in a hospital room without any kids, or wife to be around to comfort me. And that is the greatest fear of all!
  9. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I am turning 33, and have never kissed a girl. Only girlfriend I had was when I was in preschool. Most of the girls I think about I can list on one hand. One of them could have become a girlfriend in college, but I was too self-absorbed and felt ashamed that I couldn't smile and didn't want her to see my teeth. So she just stayed on my radar and soon after I never saw her again.

    Excuses? I have some physical flaws, but what's worse is that I have anxiety in social settings. It's not just females that make me nervous. I get self-conscious and tongue tied around most people. I need cognitive therapy or something.

    One of my fears is being an old man and admitting that I never had a gf when I was young. Soon I won't be able to feel young. I'm middle age now. At the rate I'm going, it might happen. If I can't get my stupid butt in gear and become independent, it will.

    If i had to give advice, I'd say get your career and education in order before other things. If you don't get those things right, it makes everything else harder. The younger you're when you get those things figured out, the easier it'll be.

    But after saying all that, it'd sure be a lot easier to take a pill and remove the hormones. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to not ever think about the opposite sex. A life free of that. We're all in hormone prison, like some kind of nazi dungeon. A cattle farm. I know I'm sounding like a snotty adolescent, absorbed in his small world problems, but everyone deserves the right to ***** sometimes.

    Oh, and all of these problems are my fault. I don't blame anybody else. I don't hate. I just get confused and and feel resigned.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 20, 2010
  10. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Yea, I'm also wondering how bad it would be to just take sex drive suppresents(that's probly shit spelling lol...). Maybe I wouldn't be so depressed? Nah, that's a load of crap I'd say lol. It might make me feel better because I can't really socialize for shit. I don't see a point in doing it. It's like "Yea so the point of going to ...... is?" I just see no point in it. Maybe that's why I'm sad. Meh one day I'll try and sort it out XD.
  11. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    I'm 23 and I never had a real relationship. I think I'm in the same boat as you where I can't connect. I've decided to work on it.
  12. greyroses

    greyroses Well-Known Member

    Im 22 and in the same boat. But Im not sure Im unhappy or worried about it. I dont want to have sex with someone, or be in a caring relationship. Whenever I find out a friend or someone likes me I start to pull away from them because I feel like I cant trust them anymore. I hate going to clubs and stuff because its even worse when strangers want anything sexual OR romantic from me.
    Its not the mainstream approach to life and romance and blah blah blah, but its what it is. If it changes for you it will, if it doesnt it doesnt. Just make sure you never make a decision based on what you think the world would have you do....because it aint got nothin on you or whatever, haha >D
  13. someone uk

    someone uk Well-Known Member

    20 nearly 21 here, same boat though i always get to the point where i am "nearly" in a relationship
    however i am so ugly i could make the elephant man look attractive

    nothing in this world makes me feel more inadequate than other people getting "action"
    though looking in a mirror and seeing my hairline recede has only proven to me that i have ran out of time and i should just give up all hope because the outcome of trying will always be the same and it would be less painful to never have hope in the first place

    i have also lead to systematically lie about things like this irl because i am far too ashamed of the truth
  14. Lost.

    Lost. Well-Known Member


    Most women are unstable twats anyways.

    You're not missing much.

    Wank. Hire an escort. Gratification without the work and the bullshit.

    Enjoy your freedom.
  15. will_1957

    will_1957 Well-Known Member

    I'm 22 and I only briefly had any kind of relationship with some one. We met online and it turned out we had very little in common and I got scared and ended it before it really even began. Looking back I might have made it work and I feel regret over not being brave enough to endured the awkwardness and pain without getting scared and running away like I always do.

    I've only ever held hands with a girl once.
  16. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I'm 36, folks. HELLLLOOO!!

    I have never been in one relationship before. Not one. Nope never been kissed. And yep you can guess the other parts. I have been told I was cute/pretty before. And I'm not horribly looking like from the dead or witch like, yet the last guy I could remember who ever was serious about actually dating me was in junior high school.

    It's not just boyfriends either. I have never had any friend relationships either of any gender, race, kind. I consider myself to be a very NORMAL person. Though people have different interpretations of normal I guess. I am usually a positive, supportive person. I rarely tell my problems to people or talk about my selfish self endlesssly without a care about the person I'm with. I'm generous too. I would pay your dinner date if you were with me. But I guess people don't want that in their lives. They want a horrible person who cheats on them and never calls them back and treats them crap.

    This world is upside down where nice people finish last.

    Go read the thread 'Is life worth living having never been in a relationship....' you'll feel better because we are all in the same Hell.
  17. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    I'm over 40 and never been kissed too. And that's the problem, because as a man even if you do meet someone who likes you, your lack of experience turns you from potential lover to a complete joke, I wouldn't have thought for women that it's such a problem, but as I'm not a woman I'm just guessing.

    I kind of agree with what Lost said, by thinking that relationships are bad, that women are evil etc. helps. But you often think that you're lying to yourself, and that kind of hurts. I guess relationships have good points and bad points too. You never know how yours will work out. They could have been great, they could have been shit. Can I regret being single not knowing how things would have been?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 3, 2010
  18. Ed.

    Ed. Well-Known Member

    I think it is quite normal, I think maybe it is better to wait until you find somebody that you do connect with, after all that is what relationships are about.
    I've been in relationships where I have not connected with the person, and it was quite possibly the worst time in my life ever.
  19. yous

    yous Well-Known Member


    Older men in their 70's can still date 20 year olds. But when women hit past 30 or a certain age, they are consider hags and witches and all else other names.
  20. Ed.

    Ed. Well-Known Member

    Hmmm I have to disagree, older women are quite attractive ^^