Never having interacted with girls has screwed me up now and in the future.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by TheBLA, Sep 13, 2012.

  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Yep, I'm one of those freaks that's never had a GF, never kissed a girl, had sex, held hands, went on a date, etc. No experience pretty much with girls, period. Just a very sheltered, freaking loser.

    I feel that its also screwed up any future chances of me to get a girl, even if I wanted to get one. Recently since the last two years at most, I've driven many girls online away, being too afraid to even approach girls in person. It doesn't matter if its for romance or even friendship. I guess I've become so desperate and clingy, that I'll become too "aggressive" with a girl, send too many messages, etc. and drive her away. She'll think I am some creepy, desperate stalker when I really don't mean to be at all.

    Its even worse when at first she did like me a lot, but then I just move too fast and she hates me and removes me or blocks me on internet accounts. Again, its whether for friendship or romance. The instant a girl isn't instantly disgusted by me and shows me any hint of friendliness, I'll just go overboard and crazy and frighten her away from me. Maybe it'll take a few weeks or months, but it will definitely happen without a doubt. Its a rinse and repeat cycle and I'm just not learning from my mistakes. :(

    What may happen is I'll want to engage in romance with a girl, when she's only interested in friendship, or she will not engage in romance until we know each other after quite some time, but I still become too impatient and antsy. Maybe I'll think she is interested in me romantically, when its only for friendship and when I find out she already has a BF or gets one later, it just breaks my heart. I know how being relegated to the "friend-zone" hurts.

    I guess if I at least had any contact with girls in the past, I would be more patient and calm when dealing with girls now. At least if I lost my virginity in the past, I wouldn't be so desperate for sex now. But because I've never had any sort of "action", not even a kiss, its really keeping me from ever getting any in the future either. I guess I just want to get something so bad after all these years and being years behind my peers in being involved in any relationships. I'm just completely barren and frustrated and dry here.

    Ideally, I just really want to turn my heart entirely into stone and remove any lust and libido inside of me. What's the point if I'm never going to get a girl anyways?

    I think its exactly like if I keep pining and thinking about a luxury sports car I want, but I can clearly never afford. Its only going to keep gnawing at me and bothering me and making me upset. So I don't even think about it and it doesn't bother me. If I can never obtain something, why should I pine for it? Its the exact same for ever having a GF, wife, physical relations with a woman, etc. I just want to remove all this desire inside of me because its just like an appendix; it serves me no use at best and only hurts me terribly at worst. :dry:
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 13, 2012
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Hi Rahul from a fellow Texan.
    First off, sex is not everything... In fact, it's very over rated. It only means something when it actually means something - it's a shame that it has become such a cheap thing these days. At any rate, you don't state your age but you can find love at any age so hang in there. Do you take part in any type of groups, clubs, or social activities (away from the computer) where you can interact with people of both sexes? That is a good way to at least start interacting. Also, don't give up on your goals, regardless what they are. If you want a sports car, then set your sights on that and work hard toward it. Like you, that was one of my life goals and I have had 3 over the years, and recently picked up my dream vehicle. I wish I could have done this when I was really young, but it took a long, long time. The point is, you can achieve your goals but you must set them, measure progress toward them, work hard to achieve them, and win.
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Hi there. I know there are people out there like me, just like on this forum, who consider themselves complete failures with girls, relationships, etc. Just to fulfill their natural lust, they will go to a hooker to satisfy that desire. I guess aside from shyness, I can't imagine having sex with someone whom I don't love and who doesn't love me back. Call me old-fashioned in this crazy, progressive world of ours, haha. But I don't think I can ever love a girl AND have her love me as well, so I may have to go that route anyways, or not at all. God knows how many times I've had unrequited love.

    I am 25 by the way. Unfortunately, no, I am not a social person at all. I know your suggestion is a great one and others have recommended it to me. But I just hope I can do it. This depression, anxiety, shyness, have been so long-lasting and permeating, I don't think I can ever break out of it and dig myself out of this extremely deep hole I've dug myself in. Maybe I will get better, but maybe I won't. Unfortunately, not all of us 7+ billion people on Earth get a "happy ending" you know, right? :(

    I guess I hate that as well. I hate the fact that I still have time left, I still have potential to be "somebody". Its not "too late" for me just yet. But if I just let time keep passing by, opportunities slip by, sitting on my butt in my computer chair, its nobody's fault but myself. I actually wish sometimes there was some force that absolutely made it 100% impossible for me to get better, get a girlfriend or wife, etc. so I wouldn't have to blame myself for all my misery and woes and instead someone or something else. :(

    Regarding my sports-car analogy, its a nice thing to have, but I actually don't really pine for such a thing. I am happy with a regular car. I just wanted to make that analogy that if I can't have an expensive sports-car, why lust for it and just make myself sad and miserable that I can never get it? Same with ever getting a girl, why can't I just remove that desire permanently so it'll never bother me again, because I'll never get one? I've sorta read about some man actually castrating themselves over this, just to reduce their sexual drive, libido, etc. because they feel they are not good enough for girls, so to just remove that desire which they will never fulfill and only bothers them.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 13, 2012
  4. Fading Star

    Fading Star New Member

    Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm 26 and I'm in the same boat aswell. So atleast you ain't alone.
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Well thanks. If there's one thing I've learned and you can know, its that you are never alone, whatever your situation is, on this forum. I am completely alone in my circumstances with the people around me that I know in real-life. All of them are happy, have good careers, jobs, significant others, social and romantic lives, etc. I have nothing, none of these things. I am angry and bitter at them, even though it is my own fault. I feel very alienated from them, like an alien to them.

    But yet there is always at least one other person here in the same boat as me who can understand and sympathize.
  6. Syn

    Syn Well-Known Member

    So true, we're never alone, even if physically we may be feeling completely isolated. I'm right there in that same boat as the rest of you, but I know we're not the only ones and some of the people who have been in the same boat as us have just had to wait for the right person to come into their lives. In the end, love is just about finding the right person. (Or so I'm told) Rahul, I have none of those things either, never really have. I think that the longer we have to wait for those things, the sweeter they will be when we finally do get those things.

    By the way, welcome to the forum Fading Star. I hope you enjoy your stay here :)
  7. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

  8. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    You're in the exact same boat as me gem77?

    I just think there's a point when you've screwed up your life so much, that the damage is just irreversable. Being 25 and never having interacted with girls, I think it doesn't matter how hard I try now to turn things around. I've been too damaged now to ever be normal and have relationships at all. I think I should just give up entirely altogether. :(
  9. barryperry

    barryperry New Member

    Hey man. First, clinginess can happen even to experienced guys. I'm very experienced with women, had a female friend that I started dating, and got really clingy. I got overly emotional and I REALLY liked her before she felt the same way as me. I'm also going through a very tough time in my life right now and I really needed someone emotionally, which sounds similar to your situation.

    You CAN get girls, man. You can definitely do this. I have a friend that didn't lose his virginity until he was 27 and he's one of the best with girls that I've ever seen (he's 31 now). It just sounds like you have bad habits. I know it's hard to change, but you have to if you want to be successful and you are more than capable of doing it.

    Just go out of your house and say hi to 5 women today. Tomorrow, say hi to 10 women. The next day, try to start conversations with 5 women. You're not looking for a good response. You're just looking to take action. If you keep on this trend for a month and do things like this everyday, you WILL be getting phone numbers and maybe dates. In 2 or 3 months, I wouldn't be surprised if you lose your virginity. It's all about how bad you want it man....because it CAN be done.

    And, for the love of god, don't hurt yourself because of this. This problem is definitely solve-able. If I lived in Texas, I would definitely invite you out....but I don't :\
  10. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I'd just like to get some special shot, get some special surgery, drink some special potion, etc. which removes all lust and desire for women and relationships permanently, so it will never bother me again. I wonder if something like chemical castration would work out for me then? I don't mean to sound like I'm seeking attention or anything, I am really curious about such a thing. I've read very little on it and I hear many men who went through such a procedure feel much more calm and serene and at peace then they after did. That's sure something I could use, instead of just always having this desire for women in my heart but never able to attain it and just only hurting me. This is just like an inflamed appendix which is doing nothing but harming me and it has to be removed from my body as soon as possible!
  11. BrokenOne

    BrokenOne Member

    I just recently found an easier way to cope with feeling and urges. I've been into herbs for long time but anyways, I feel so stupid for no looking it up sooner because I have known about but kinda glossed over it. But the herb is called Hops. Many herbs are have different properties and work for different things but I bought Hops because it is an anaphrodisiac. Like most things it doesnt get rid of everything but I tell you. I sure does clear up my mind, now I'm back to functioning with clear thoughts and a clear head alot more before I got all depressed.
  12. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Hops eh? Sounds interesting.

    What I desire is to never feel lust ever again, never wanting to look at pornography, never want to masturbate, never want to have a girlfriend or wife, never to do a double-take at a pretty girl walking down the street, etc.

    I don't have an over-active sex drive, its normal as most people out there. However, I am not a normal person at all. Thusly, I want to expunge it from myself completely. Not only that, but probably the desire for even female companionship as well.

    Its fine when one has a natural sex drive and desire for a relationship and he can actually get a girl to go out with him on a date, to have sex with him, etc.

    But its a nightmare when you have 0% chance of attracting a girl for any purpose (just sex, dating, marriage, etc) and still have these natural, normal urges that you can never, ever satisfy. I have these normal feelings as a human, heterosexual male but am extremely abnormal on the inside, so there's this major clash. That is why I think about getting castrated or something to that effect so I can never again have an interest in the opposite sex and only as just friends at the very most.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 24, 2012
  13. BrokenOne

    BrokenOne Member

    Hey, I know the feeling. I gave up around when I was fifteen and life has gone just as I expected. I struggled with it through my teens but I've got to the point where I'm strong enough mentally to say. I will be alone. I can go without without companionship nowadays, I would say I'm comfortable with loneliness. Like you, I wish I could turn it off too. But its a reality, in the vessels we call human bodies theirs no escaping human desires. But you can try to control and grab control a hold of yourself.
  14. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm sorry you feel this way, Rahul...I'm sort of in the same boat as you. I wish there was a pill I could take so I'd never desire a relationship, or even companionship anymore. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so hurt.
  15. ksmith86

    ksmith86 Well-Known Member

    Eh have you tried talking to multiple women at the same time? If you only have one prospect it's easy to become clingy and push them away. You NEED them. And they don't need you (especially if they're pretty, they've got tons of guys beating down their door already). If you're talking to 5 girls at once, you don't care so much if one drops off. Just keep your supply up and eventually one will bite. Takes about 2 months to get this going from zero (for me anyways). Start off with fat chicks then gradually swap them out for prettier girls.

    Also women care about only a few things in prospective guys:
    Looks, money, status, and personality.

    If you can improve one of these things you'll find you have a lot more luck :)

    Getting an awesome girlfriend is not supposed to be easy!

    LTANNER Member

    I tried not to read :biggrin: Sending some stern hope your way. I know it's weak. Hope some good to come. Very good.
  17. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. I just close myself off from people and they dont stick around long enough to get to know me. I've never had a relationship, now i think i've left it too long. My family are trying to get me to meet people but i feel nothing. i think i've gotten to a point where i dont want to be totally alone. it would be nice to have somone whose on the same level as me that i can relate to. But i doubt i will ever find this person. i've been toying with the idea of being with someone just to not be alone too. so i know how you feel here. but i think deep down i cant be with someone i dont have real feelings for. i thought to myself maybe if im matched with someone i can grow to feel for them. but the downside to this is that it could affect me as a person and i dont think i could go through with this even if i tried. im 22 at the moment so have left things late. i guess it burns more because i dont have any close friends too so i feel lonely alot.

    take care