Never mind me, I just need to get this out. I was supposed to die this weekend, have planned it for months, but now I’m not sure anymore. All I know is that I can’t trust myself at the moment. Told a friend about it yesterday, finally, and she wants to be there for me. But she’s going to take me to psych ward if she thinks I’m loosing it. I can’t go there, not this weekend. I have to make it through myself, have to stay strong, or else I’ll loose myself forever. She doesn’t understand that, so I can’t tell her how I feel anymore. Was thinking about staying with a male online friend, to let him help me to stay alive, but my friends keep telling me that he would take advantage of the situation and abuse me. Don’t know what to think anymore. My mind is so messed up right now, not even sure of what I’m writing. I guess I’m going to rely on the survival instinct, and keep to myself all weekend. It’s safe in one way, because I won’t get triggered by anything. And no one needs to see me like the monster I become when I loose control. But I’ll be on my own. I haven’t been strong enough before, hopefully I’m stronger this time. Sure doesn’t feel like it. This will most likely be the last weekend in my life. It’s a bit sad. I know it will hurt my friends and family, but they’ll get over it. They’ll be better of without me. I’m actually feeling good about leaving again, guess I’m not going to fight it that much. :smile: If I actually get through this weekend, I’m going to get my head examined, start taking care of my body again, and do my homework to get good grades. After a while I might be able to help people on here. If I get through this, I’ll get through everything.