I usually hate people who want to post on these things because it seems like they just want sympathy but i just kind of want to bitch about how sad and fucked up ive been lately and i dont really know what to do about it. My whole life ive been fat before a few years ago and ive always hated myself and had no friends until i hit 10th grade and became anorexic. After going from 230lbs to 135lbs in half a year or less i still thought i was fucking gigantic until this year when i started eating and started doing drugs. My girlfriend that i have now and have had for almost 3 years, i am so in love with her but everytime i think about her i get sad because of the things she did with guys before me, having sex with a 17 year old when she was just 12. And now all i want to do is do drugs and drink, i went from being 15 and never smoking pot in my life and now i have done everything from acid to heroin though luckily never getting addicted and i am just about to turn 17. I dont know how im going to handle living without drugs when i move in with my girlfriend next year, I hate being sober because when i think of myself i get sick and my whole life ive tried to find ways to alleviate that and make me forget.I smoke pot and drink almost everyday and other drugs occasionally, i went from having no friends to just hanging out with people to do drugs, and im going to try to quit and get a job soon but i dont know how im going to though its not the drugs really that is the problem right now as im as safe as i can be because i dont want to die and hurt my girlfriend. Im so sorry if this is too long or the grammar is horrible ive been up for two days because of insomnia and i kind of just needed to let whats been going through my head out somewhere where someone i would never meet in real life would read it.