never really ever going to be over....

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by jimk, Jun 25, 2012.

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  1. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Is the past ever really over???

    From almost infancy it was very tough
    Does it have to be this way
    Displeasure and only pain from both of you
    Alone would have been better

    I did not understand
    Had to escape
    Dissociation was the only way to live
    Nothing was truly real

    Doctors said I was clumsy
    Only way to explain this
    Not able to speak out
    They would have killed me

    At age 17 a doc saw the truth
    On my own then
    Damaged goods
    A paranoid schizophrenic CARRIE

    Never really fitting in anywhere
    Therapy attempts often
    Just could not speak out
    With some people but really all alone

    40 or so years later met Tara
    She was an angel
    Ever so patient and watching and listening
    Too closely sometimes

    It was safe with her
    Someone to tell it all to
    So many bad places to look back at
    Sometimes just had to stop now

    She trusted me to stay safe and to come back again
    She was there for me a dozen years
    Last Friday was last apt with her
    Tried very hard to thank this dear lady then

    Instead of many times each day then
    Now I dissociate couple times a year
    I love and trust almost everyone
    Things much better for me and johnny now

    Still have my moments though
    Occasional flashbacks and night terrors
    Usually just about time I think maybe it is over
    Truth probably that time will never happen
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    We are not our diagnoses although it is affirming when someone really sees what is going on...regardless of how you are labeled, you are a gem to us
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