Never so uncertain.

[Kelsey]

This is very long and Im not sure where it belongs...

I know that with every circumstance in life things tend to change, I have grown to accept that word, change. I dont think there is a person out there that likes all the forms of change that they face. Sometimes things change, time changes the way you feel about something, or people change. The people changing is the one I am finding myself having to deal with and with great difficulty, because I am the one changing and I am uncertain if it is for the good.

I am the last person on earth that would ever back down from a fight, especially a fight or an argument where I knew I was right. But lately I have been doing just that, backing down and running from everything. I dont want to lose people, I really dont, but I also dont want to have to fight with someone to get my point across. I dont want to stand in the way of someone doing or getting what they want, but in order for them to get what they want, or think they need, I have to shut up and back off.

This morning I made my last effort, the only thing left I could think of that would do something right for someone. I fear though that in doing so, if things dont play out the way they have been planned, I have screwed things up past forgiveness. I hope that people learn to accept the changes that are about to come about with me. And more importantly I hope my friends and one in particular, let go of their pride and forgive me. I am not perfect, I am far from it. I am 19 years old, and have seen and done many things in such little time, somethings good some not so good, but each of those things has made me who I am today.

Those things have made me realize much about myself that I would have never discovered on my own. Im changing, and Im not going to try and stop the changes, Im going to take them as they come. I am not sure what this is or why it was even written. It took awhile to even be able to word things to where they made sense to me. All in all, any heartache I may have caused to people on here, or not on here I am sorry. I will no longer plead with people not to do what they want or need for happiness, because I dont want to be the the reason for their unhappiness. I will always hope and pray that minds are changed or by the grace of God people get the miracles they so desperately need. I love each of you, and want only good things for you, forgive me for changing.

This is an excert from one of my favorite songs, and is intended for all, but one in particular. Whether you choose to forgive me or not will always be up to you, but I just want you to know, I had your best intrests at heart when I made that phone call this morning. My arms will always be open for you to walk back into no matter what, I love you and as it has been said before, our friendship, our wonderful friendship has made my life.

"Sometimes we lose our way, and dont say things we should say. We hold on to stubborn pride, when we should put it all beside. To waste the time were given seems so senseless, when one little word shouldnt be so hard, forgiveness."

 

[Sadeyes]

I do not mean my response to seem glib, but life is messy...I think one of the only rules that I can support is that, aside from issues of morality and compassion, there are no rules. Change can be a wonderful opportunity if the change is in the service of personal development...One question I ask myself, is how can I not get cynical when I see the egoism and lack of compassion some ppl have...I have resolved this for myself by feeling sad for them, and continuing to show compassion as best as I can...hope you see how much you have grown kel, and that all life lessons take time...all the best, J

 

[Kelsey]

Your response is nothing but greatly appreciated, came across just fine. And yes I do know just how much I have grown and changed already. Thank you, your input is always welcome.

 

[gentlelady]

You have grown Kelsey and the changes i have seen in you are changes that are good. You have matured and gained wisdom beyond your years. i know the lessons you have learned have not come with ease. I hope your friend can come to understand that you did what you felt was best and can appreciate you for that. It may not be in the near future, but don't give up hope that it can happen. There are so many things we don't understand at the time, but grow to in the future. Many changes come with experience and maturity. Our live and things about them are constantly changing. We accept the changes for what they are and the ones that we do not find favorable we work to improve. I hope the forgiveness you seek is rewarded soon and not in the far off future. You are in my thoughts hun and I will be hoping for your friend to find understanding. :hug:

 

[itmahanh]

I think you maybe wrong on this hun. If you check into it you will probably find out this person is not upset with you at all. They understand that you did what you had to do given the circumstances that were thrown at you in that moment of time. Please dont be so hard on yourself until you know for sure.

As for change, it has to happen for our lives to unfold. How boring an existance it would be if our lives remained the same day after day. The changes I've seen in you are all strong and good ones that are helping you to move forward in life. You are the most remarkable young lady I have ever had the pleasure to know.

Kelsey please dont ever give up on your friends and most importantly yourself. Like you said you're "only 19" and there is so much more waiting out there for you to fill the rest of your life with. And you will never have to face those things alone because you have loyal and caring people in your life that only hope that they can be there to walk beside you along the path that is being laid out in front of you.