His scream, the last thing he ever uttered, was heard June 29th at close to midnight. The only witness still hears that scream in his head, the phone hitting the concrete, the dogs barking. It was late May early June when he first reached out, desperately seeking an alternative. I only have the emails that cover June 11th until his death. There was a countdown as he was not only depressed, but in a panic over an upcoming family vacation. Vacation would be in a warm area where he would look strange were he to wear long sleeves and he knew his mother would question him. From an adult perspective looking at the situation, knowing he had within himself the means to hold on through the depression, what it boiled down too, his bottom line, seems so tragic. It was the actual vacation, and that he could not wear long sleeves that created the urgent major crisis for him. What caused the depression he was able to talk about with someone and was systematically going through a checklist trying to find a way out of it. He was unable to find a solution to the long sleeves issue and that is what pushed him over the edge. It seems like such a small thing, but it was so monumental to him it was enough to cause him to end his life. When i hear kids in a panic talking about how to hide their injuries, i know how important it is to them. When they cut, i am afraid. When adults think them silly or don't listen, i know how things can end. **tears** He so matter of factly approached his death. Either we find a solution or i leave. Leave he did by choosing his greatest fear as his means of death. A rare and most painful method. I take s/h'ers seriously. He taught me this. I take young people seriously as i know what they are capable of doing and for what reasons they are willing to give it all up. Although he isn't the only person i have lost to s, his death breaks my heart so. It was tragic and easily avoidable. He tried. He wanted to find a way to live. He begged and pleaded for help. I don't think i can really discuss the details publically. **tears** The pain caused to the only witness, a young naive innocent young man with a passion for life who had never heard of suicide being a reality or option, and how ppl tried to destroy him as well, made R's tragedy even more painful. Of course R had similar musical taste to most teens. Due to his chosen method, the police at first insisted it was satanic and related to his musical tastes and card game (one he also played with his step father for fun). BS. Once i provided them all the info, they quickly nixed the idea but they were so quick to jump on it. The devastation to the only witness, a young boy who still hears that last scream, is so tragic and ongoing to this day. I'm trying really hard, ok? Sorry if i am not making much sense. There was a lot that happened with this situ that makes little to no sense. What human beings are capable of saying and doing to those in pain greatly disturbs my soul. It's nice to find a little shelter here, where ppl are understanding of each other no matter what. **sobbing** hugs everyone. Will try to write more later.