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Never thought id be like this

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Hey all

I never ever expected me to search google for "suicide forum" and end up finding one.

Anyway.... im abit scared of posting this as theres probably serious cases which are much more important but i guess this will just get a few things off my chest yet again.

Anyway im 18 (if that matters)

young and foolish i guess.

Anyway i had suicide thoughts when i was about 15/16, never had a troubled up bringing or anything i just found myself wanting not to be here.

Ive never tried to do anything, i once tried to cut myself, not to endanger myself just to bring my pain from the inside to the outside, i dont know if that makes sense but thats what i thought at the time.

I dont know why i ever got like that, i guess it probably was over something silly.

Anyway, i got with a girl about 15 months ago, she was my 1st proper girlfriend and shes the best thing that happened to me. We split about start of october.

I pushed her away apparently and she keeps saying i treated her like sh*t, when im pretty sure i didnt although i did take her for granteed in the end and i think she just built up inside.

Anyway i really do want her back and ive tried everything, and shes told me that we will get back together just not right now.... and then to really confuse me she said that she wanted to try having someone else as a bf.

This really confused me and i just burst out crying... and now im not sure where i stand.

It hurts so much the fact im loving her with all my heart and im not someone who comes out with rubbish, i really have been 100% with her recently.

Anyway enough of that problem, i just thought it might be related.

Anyway im having thoughts where i just dont want to be here, ive lost my job and im struggling to find another (maybe its all adding up?) so i have too much time on my hands and having split with my gf i dont really do a great lot and even when im invited to go out with mates i turn them down.

I just really feel that i dont want to be here, im kinnda obsessed with classic cars and i see and breath them. So this is how i usually cheer myself up. The amount of times ive thought recently it would be such a easy way to go.

Stuff pills or anything slow, id just want to go end of... quickly... no pain or anything. Im a wuss when it comes to pain!

Its having the self control not to just drive into something.

Anyway as i was saying, i just these feelings that id rather not be here. I often wonder what is after life. If i knew the answer then i probably would decide what to do quicker.

At the moment i just find myseld crying alot, i suppose this is because of my ex...

i guess thats it, its in no order its just random of what ive thought of the top of my head.

im in yorkshire (UK) if theres anyone else in the uk
don't kill yourself over no woman

if she's treated you like that, please don't do it mate.

seems to me she wants to try another bf to see if she can do any better than you, or just doesn't want to be tied down in a relationship. And she's said you will get back together to keep you hanging in case she doesn't find anyone better.

It must be tough man, cos I know what its like when you love someone with all your heart, and they don't really give a flying fuck.

Jobs come and go too, it's difficult especially in the current environment to find a job (in the UK), especially part-time.

Best thing is to try and focus your energy somehwere else, classic cars like you said, try mybe looking into some work you could do in that field.

Basically try and keep busy, I know it hurts but go out with your mates, the company will help you get your mind off her.

The sooner you look past her, and move on...she'll see that confidence in you and want you back! (be wary of that) And then you'll prolly want to take her back, but like I said be wary cos she could drop you again.

Just don't top yourself cos of 1 girl who you may love, but isn't treating you like she loves you back. It's difficult cos you still and will prolly feel for her for a long time..but you can't let this relationship dictate your life - you are your own man.


Its having the self control not to just drive into something
I totally know what you mean.

Unfortunately, I have no good advice for you because I feel the exact same way.
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