Never thought I'd end up here. Hi guys.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Blondie, Mar 26, 2014.

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  1. Blondie

    Blondie New Member

    Hello everyone. I'm 22. I suffer from severe panic disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and depression. I'm unemployed, have a boyfriend who is way out of my league, a family who treat me as if I'm invisible, friends who have moved on and I have absolutely zero self esteem.
    I've been looking for work for 6 months after being made redundant. Nothing is coming up. Being bored is making me depressed, paranoid and ill... I don't enjoy life anymore. I can't enjoy hobbies. All day every day I am on the verge of tears, of killing myself. I am in a bubble of stress. :( I hate this. It will never end... I've had mental illness since I was 11... What's the point?
  2. Liquid Jello

    Liquid Jello Well-Known Member


    I hate it to when I get majorly depressed, due to circumstances, my brain chemistry or both. sorry to hear things are so difficult right now. I've had depression since I was probably 8 myself. and there certainly are times when it gets to be such a long haul. I take it u have a doc and are on meds, or? I don't know if ur new to the Forum, like I am. but I have found it helpful to be able to use the chatrooms to debrief/"get things out," which has helped. then, too, once it actually starts to feel like spring here, I'll probably feel a bit better. hope u can find a positive way to get some relief from the way things feel.


  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Can you do some volunteer work in the area you want to work in just so you can keep up the work experience and it look good on your resume hugs
  4. AnaNg

    AnaNg Antiquities Friend

    Hi Blondie. Welcome to SF.

    I'm glad you came here and reached out to us. I don't know if you currently have a therapist or are on meds, but if not, I would definitely encourage you to, at the very least, seek out a trained counsellor/therapist who can help you talk through some of these things and work through them.

    Depression sucks big hairy monkey balls. I have been there, done that for the better part of 26 years. I completely understand how much you hate it. Truly, I do. I have had most of the symptoms you've mentioned and then some. Please know that you are not alone and there are lots of folks here who are going through unemployment, relationship and family issues, and problems with self esteem. The good thing about depression is that it can be managed and you can live a normal life. It can have an end to it that doesn't involve killing yourself.

    I don't have any easy answers to the unemployment issue, but I do have a couple of suggestions. Have you ever spoken with a career counsellor or sought out work through a temp agency? A career counsellor could help you explore various opportunities for employment that you've not thought of or point you in some directions as far as places that are hiring folks with your skill set that maybe you didn't know about. In the meantime, you might try a temp agency. A lot of times if you get on somewhere as a temp, it can work into a regular non-temp position. It might not be much, but it's a start.

    As chuck above me said, the chat feature of this place is really helpful to vent feelings when they get really overwhelming. I have found a lot of support in chat and a lot of great people too. ((((hugs))))

  5. Blondie

    Blondie New Member

    Thank you for the replies everyone. I have indeed applied for volunteering jobs only yesterday but right now I am reaching crisis point in terms of my sadness. I have just emailed my therapist for an appointment but god knows when she'll get back to me. I'm not on any meds... Other than the occasional diazepam for panic attacks. Really suffering here.
  6. lonel

    lonel Account Closed

    hi blondie

    i understand suffering and i think most if not all here can. I have found relief w/meds and w/therapy so i encourage you to keep trying. also volunteering is great! in the past i have also reached out to crisis lines and that helped me when i was ..well in crisis. i also find that being busy or distracting myself helps as well. there is a chat room here that is sometimes quite active and helpful, and although i am new so far i have a high opinion of all i have met- there seem to be some very kind people here who want to help, so i encourage you to take advantage of anything that works for you. i wish i could help more. i do wish you well.
  7. Cat of Spades

    Cat of Spades Well-Known Member

    I'm a bit confused, how can your boyfriend be "way out of your league" if you are already together?

    He already likes you! Just stay positive, things are going really well you just haven't realized it, anyway welcome to the forum.
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi Blondie. Sorry the pain is so extreme. I can feel that you are a good person. I do not make it a habbit of saying that to new people who start threads here.

    It might be a good idea to see if medication for depression would help. I dont know. But it might be helpful. I remember when my life fell apart a long time ago, I volunteered at something I really enjoyed. To fill me. and to help me to feel my worth. Someone once suggested I go to the shelter to walk dogs. Or volunteer at the hosp to be a baby holder in the Neonatal care unit. The volunteer jobs you are applying for, are they jobs that would really make you feel good? Because many of the suggestions I got were jobs that would not have fed me emotionally. They actually would have drained me. What I ended up doing in the arts as a volunteer really did help. It helped restore my sense of worth at the time.

    I understand from my own point of view what it means to feel someone is way out of my league. Thats because I do not have a sense of my worth. So I do think that many people are out of my league. But its really because of how low my own self esteem is.

    Glad you are here. Please post as often as you want. Being and posting here can really help a lot. Or thats my expereince. I dont know how I would be getting by without this community
  9. Blondie

    Blondie New Member

    Genuinely stunned by the warmth and kindness of all of your words. I cannot believe how even for a short while you all managed to lift my spirits. I cannot thank each of you enough for taking time to message me with words of comfort. It's more than I get in the real world, believe me. My suicidal thoughts are very sporadic... And very unpredictable. Yet I'm scared of the medication avenue for some reason. Just anxious of being made worse I suppose. Again, you are all so kind. x
  10. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I understand the concern about medication avenue. Glad your spirits have been lifted for a while !! :flowers:
  11. jnick

    jnick Well-Known Member

    Your anxiety will level out with time. Don't be afraid of the medication route, but I would advise you to be weary of benzodiazepines. They can offer great relief but you will become dependent upon them. I have been on for 16 years. The thing is, I have done a lot of things I probably wouldn't have being on them, good and bad. So treat yourself like a Ferrari not a Ford and take a deep breath, for you are not alone.
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