hey all, im new here and figured id share my story/plan to leave this planet in the not too distant future. why? im not sure i can answer that as i type this, some primal, human need to share with others i guess.. ive been unhappy for the better part of my life, ive been depressed for several years. ive never had a girlfriend, never had that friend or group of friends one can depend on. love, trust, loyalty? these are things found in the movies, not in real life.. or my life at least. i always had hope that things would change and that gave me a warm feeling inside.. i thought with some self-improvement i could prove to everyone that i wasnt the social failure they believed me to be. all i needed was a few close friends and a girlfriend and i wouldve been fine. unfortuntely i made the wrong friend, because if i didnt meet him i wouldnt have suffered a serious fall resulting in a broken spine, pelvis, thumb and a bruised kidney. of all the people on the planet, i had to befriend the one guy that liked climbing buildings. my shit luck i guess. now i cant piss without using a catheter. im always constipated. i cant even have sex (not like i was gonna get it anytime soon) because of the damaged nerves. the doctors say give it time and the nerves may heal but i dont see it happening. the one thing that i loved, staying fit and running, has been taken away from me. im uncomfortable most of the time and knowing ill never have 'normal' sex is something i cant get over.. dont even think id want to. looking back, i had problems but i had it good.. and i guess that is a message that id like for anyone thinking about killing themselves to take away. you could be worse off.. you could have a ton of physical problems on top of your mental and social problems. if you arent satisfied with life realize how beautiful nature is.. find peace in the little things. i wish i couldve done that before i threw my life away, i died the day of my accident. so now im in the brainstorming stage. im thinking about doin some kind of road trip to the mountains, perhaps alaska. ill buy a gun there and end myself under the northern lights.. has a beautiful, spirtual quality to it. maybe ill just let the cold take my life. dont know what my penalty will be in the afterlife if any, but i believe god will forgive me eventually. i strongly believe in reincarnation and that we've all led an infinite number of lives. i reason we've all killed ourselves at some point if this is true. im gonna spend the next few months studying buddhism and practicing meditation. i want to make my spiritual transition as smoothly as possible. well thanks to anyone who reads this, ill stick around and try to contribute where i can while im here.