never thought this could happen

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by claria, Jul 4, 2016.

  1. claria

    claria New Member

    Hello friends,my name is Maria and im from France. My boyfriend is serving a sentence in prison in California, we have been together for two years and a half already and its a very hard experience. He is a good person,was sentenced when he was 20 for robbing some cell phones with a fake gun,he hadnt a good life or a good family,he was on drugs and he did it to get some money,I know he did wrong but now,7 years after,he is doing pretty well,working,going to school and away from any trouble.
    this is been so hard for me since the first day,i had to spend all the money i had to travel to going to see him to california from france,i saw him in march for the last time and everything is going bad since that.I spent some time with his family and they are really crazy making me feel horrible after everything im doing for him by myself without the help of anybody.so since i came back to france i feel like everything change beetwen us,he said he was so depressed for not seeing me anymore until october of the next year, when he is going to go home,i was depressed too and feeling down and insecure because i feel things are not going like they used to.
    I talked with him on wendsday for the last time,he calls me every night and I havent hear from him since that. I know everything is going well in the prison and he is been able to use the phone,but he didnt call.
    im so worried about him i cant do anything but wait for his call,im afraid he is doing drugs again if he is feeling deppresed,im afraid he is going to leave me without giving me any chance to fix things after all i've done,living there is really hard,one day another inmate tried to cut his throat,im living in constant estress and fear,i love him with all my heart and soul and i dont know if i can take this anymore,every day that im not talking with him i take more and more pills to sleep,i havent go to work since friday,i dont know what to do,im so worried about him and how he is feeling,last time we talked i was feeling so bad and things turned a little wrong,i dont know if maybe someone passed trough somethig like this before and could tell me a few words,im completely desperated,i have nothing i gave all for him,we were going to get married soon and now all my plans are going down,i feel i cant pass another day like this
     
  2. Kid B

    Kid B Well-Known Member

    Having read the above, I would say that it's the case very much of if you really love someone, set them free. Hard to let go but practical for both parties. What you need right now is the strength to move on but also, and something I find always helps a lot, try to look at this situation objectively, from a third party viewpoint. What you see and feel is what you react to because you are trapped within the situation.
     
  3. Thauoy

    Thauoy Well-Known Member

    Many people in life are suffering because of loving the wrong person , the person who never love and care for them. It is better if we stop loving and caring those person who don't even love us.