Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KnightFalls, Oct 3, 2013.

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  1. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    It will never get better!
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It will hun just depression telling you differently screwing with your mind ok you can get better with support
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    At my age, I have seen good times and I have seen bad times. I've gone from having it all to having absolutely nothing at all, and then back again. There have been ruts in the road along the way, some severe and which I thought I'd never recover from. Sometimes the bad times have been brief, other times they have gone on and on. It can feel hopeless, but I can tell you that it's not. The only time it becomes hopeless is when we give up. Don't give up, fight the battle and win. You can and it will get better.
  4. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    I appreciate your optimism.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I have no idea what is going on with you right now, but just know and believe that you are not alone. We are here :)
  6. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    I am getting support btw....not getting better yet.
  7. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    I am ready for it to end.
  8. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    I want to cry, but the tears won't come.
  9. Chillguy

    Chillguy Member

    Can you share a little bit of what is going on? I have felt the same as you at times. Somehow I didnt give in and end it all yet. A minute at a time I guess is all we can do.

  10. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    Being haunted by the past and tortured by whom I have become. Fear how else I might evolve.
  11. Chillguy

    Chillguy Member

    First things first. Stop fearing. You may reject it, but stop fearing. Who have you become and what do you want to change about that? You can change it. Bit by bit you may.
  12. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    Is it fearing or hating? I have become a person that ruminates on everything. I mean hell, here it is 11:00, I I have 2 sleeping pills in me and I woke myself up thing and worried about whether we have enough money to pay the rent, I got so worked up, even in my dreams, that I got up to puke.

    I am tired of hating who I have become, someone that does not trust, someone that does not know how to just let go, someone that hates everything about herself at the moment,. I do not find joy in much of anything. I do not relax long enough to get rest. I am sitting in the dark wondering why is this all happening and is it even worth it.
  13. Chillguy

    Chillguy Member

    Been there myself only a couple short weeks ago. Am still going through extremely stressful things. Most of the time, the pills etc only make the problems worse. They had me on 3 kinds of sleeping pills in a row. Those things made me feel even more so like killing myself. Finally I decided to withstand the suffering, so I stopped taking them and switched to melatonin every night. No, I didnt sleep well right away, and I still dont. But now after about 3 weeks, Im finally getting to where I have at least 4-5 quality hours of sleep a night without any assistance.

    Dont hate yourself or what you have become. Baby steps*; these are what you have to take. Remember that nothing improves all at once. There is always suffering and heartache. Just find a few tiny things you can do and start to form habits of doing them to make yourself feel better. Sure there will be days and nights you feel like total misery again, but just power through them. You CAN do it. You CAN feel better. You WILL feel better.
  14. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    You may hate what is happening to you right now, but I see nothing in you, yourself, to hate!

    You are a person who struggles hard to have a happy life. That is something worth admiring. Instead of just giving up, you come here and reach out for help. You have a terrible force, depression, trying to suck your life in (and yes, depression does SUCK), and you have never stopped fighting. There is no greater reason for hope than that.

    You are not alone. I know what you mean when you say that life will never get better. That idea sounds so convincing right now, doesn't it? But when you are not depressed, you will wonder how you ever could have believed that. It always works that way.

    In the meantime, you are not alone.
  15. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    I appreciate the kind worlds guys. Thank you so much.

    New day and new round of meds to try. He put me on a mood stabilizer too. Hopefully that will help me. Get me stable and I might just be able to work on everything else.

    Psych- glad to see you again. It has been a while. Everything ok? I must admit, I have missed you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 5, 2013
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