Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AlaskanIce, Apr 20, 2014.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. AlaskanIce

    AlaskanIce Active Member

    I am AlaskanIce, and this is my first post to the forums.

    I've been in so much pain lately, physical pain. I'm always used to having pain as it never goes away, but this time around its particularly bad. I cannot get any relief and cannot get comfortable. Doctors are next to useless as all they can do is prescribe me stuff. It isn't yet at its worst, but if it follows the trend soon I'll be paralyzed in bed, unable to move for any reason for at least 1 full day.

    As for the mental/emotional... I feel that I am the most indecisive person on the planet. Maybe I'm too depressed and in a fog, but I cannot find anything for myself. No career, job; I have no passions or goals or aspirations for myself. Aside from biking until I about pass out, I have no hobbies to speak of. I even stopped eating breakfast because I could not choose from all the options; currently, I eat only one meal and some chips during the day if I become very hungry before making it to dinnertime.

    Major depression (or whatever the correct medical term is, I don't really care) and suicide ideation tops it all off not-so-nicely.

    It's getting to be too much. I don't think I can carry on like this for much longer.
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. Nice username. Sorry things are so bad for you. But I think you found a good community. People here are generally great and caring. And yes, probably most suffer with depression. I know I do.

    I do not know what causes your emotional pain. But I do know that physical pain and illness can really make depression a lot worse. Or even cause it. Sounds like the physical pain is really terrible. I am sorry. If you want to talk about the condition, please feel free.

    Are you taking medication for the depression? Oddly, I was just reading a thread here someone started about their inability to make decisions. And then you wrote about it as well. I am not good at making decisions. Probably as a result of always being told I was wrong if I was allowed to make a decision. So I always think I make the wrong decision. Or I am unable to make a decision because every option feels like it may be wrong.

    I hope being here helps some. I hope you find a doctor who can actually help.
  3. BlueSky

    BlueSky Member

    About being indecisive - something I tend to do is weigh the pros and cons of something too much. I overthink something, and before I know it, my chance of doing something has come and gone. It can be extremely hard at first, but try acting on your first instinct before your thoughts overwhelm you. It gets easier as time passes. If it's really bad, you can find help as well.
    If you ever need to talk, there are always people here to help you. This SF community is amazing, and I wish I found it sooner. Stay strong :hugtackle:
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I have constant pain and it is so debilitating.
    Medication does help, and I use a tens machine for my back and sciatic pain.
    When it's really bad I can't even think, let alone make a decision and it does cause depression, as life is so limited.
    See your doc and insist they sort out the pain, once the pain is at least under control you should be able to gauge more clearly how depressed you are and get help for that too.
  5. AlaskanIce

    AlaskanIce Active Member

    Thank you for all the responses. Right now, the pain is even worse. I've taken medication and my head is all fuzzy but the pain is still very much there.

    It's more disappointing and depressing right now because I had a surgery that was supposed to fix the problem. But it apparently was a big failure. Proved the condition, but did nothing for the pain symptoms.

    Also supposed to get a shot for it because the surgery didn't work. But the shot was ordered over a month ago and the insurance and specialty pharmacy aren't sending it yet.

    Right now, I am flat on my back in bed. Unable to move or do anything for myself. Paralyzed with pain.
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

  7. AlaskanIce

    AlaskanIce Active Member

    It's everything. I get mainly bone pain (back, joints, neck, etc) and nerve pain. Sometimes muscle pain too but that's caused by normal wear and tear.

    I've tried inversion tables. Felt good, especially for my abdominal muscles. Wasn't expecting that; only expected it to help my back, which it did. I'll look into tens. Are they expensive? I don't really have a lot of disposable income.
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    They're not prohibitively expensive, they range from around 21 pound sterling to about 12, depending on make and supplier.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.