New and breaking down.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Doubletap, Oct 5, 2009.

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  1. Doubletap

    Doubletap Member

    Hello, I apologize for a long post. But I'm afraid I may be at my breaking point in life. There's no future for me and no clear path to follow.

    I came here because I can't talk to anyone I know. I've been to a therapist and she could barely remember my name or who I was she had so many patients, and then asked for the money. Then they suggest meds and I swear hearing the side effects makes me even more depressed.

    I'm on enough meds as it is. I was diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of 18, 8 years after going to doctor after doctor, wondering what it was. They never found out what it was from. My father treats me like shit. I still live with my parents and I'm 24.

    I got laid off about a year ago. I was a graphic designer for a small ad company and was..happy about it really. There was nothing to do. I've lost interest in everything. I'm an Illustrator that doesn't feel like drawing. I can't find a job. I live in Chicago. Sent a million resumes and not one call back. The worst thing is seeing the looks on people's faces that have a job, like I'm not trying.

    And then I got sick back in May, with what seemed like a sinus infection for two months, and then migraines every day up to today. I've been to so many doctors. I'm on medicine after medicine.

    I can't take the pain anymore. I can't take the fear of my seizures anymore. My father constantly treats me like shit, and my relationship with my boyfriend of 7 years doesn't feel right. I don't want to wake up. I feel like I'm just a nuisance and all I do is play World of Warcraft all day because it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something. My friends have moved away and moved on. My bf got laid off and is making no effort to find a job. My parents have to help me pay my health insurance at 400 bucks a month. There's a train by my house. And I just stare at it. Just one step off the platform. No more pain or seizures. No more disappointment. People would get over me. I'm just someone in the background.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. Sounds like you have a strong bout of depression plaguing you. I know you don't want meds, but if it is possible to find relief, why discount them? Thank you for sharing with us. i hope you find the support you need here. :hug:
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to the forum. This is a great place to post because we understand. Keep posting and we'll walk with you through all of this.

  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forum!! Please stay away from the trains..Seeing someone who was hit by one was not a pretty site..I'm sure you will find alot of support here..It may be slow in coming,it always is when your new.. But keep posting and other members will start migrating your way..If you need to talk privately you can PM any of us and we will be happy to talk with you.. My PM is always open but I am only on line in the mornings..Take care!!
  5. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hey there! Welcome to the forums! I'm glad you found us today, we're always here for you so you can talk to us anytime, about anything. Also PM us anytime you need :hugtackles:

    As someone who also has his share of pain due to illness, I know how you feel. I understand it can bring a person down, but the trick is to do your best to ignore it, pain is a cerebral reflex, if you fill your brain with other thoughts, it'll start receding to the back of your mind until you stop feeling it for good. Be strong my friend, we'll be here for you :smile:
  6. Doubletap

    Doubletap Member

    My only hope is that the doctor calls back today with some answers. I just hope I don't have to be hospitalized.
  7. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum :hug:
  9. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    welcome to the forums!

    i know a few people with epilepsy so i know where you are coming from.

    migranes..check out a neurologist? maybe that could help.

    and chicago i'm sure there are plenty of jobs maybe you're not looking hard enough?

    let us know how everything goes!
  10. Doubletap

    Doubletap Member

    I'm looking plenty hard ty.
  11. twc

    twc Well-Known Member

    Hello and welcome.

    The Windy City can be pretty bleak when the wind blows the wrong way.

    Hang in there.
  12. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

  13. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums. Hope you find what you are looking for here!
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