Hey...I'm new here and it's pretty hard for me to reach out for help since I normally try to deal with things on my own. I have been through hell and it just keeps coming. I guess I'll start at the start of the problems and...move onto the worst. I have a disease called cyclic vomiting syndrome, and I've had it for a few years now...probally four. Basically it is exactly what it sounds like...I get sick everyday...but i'm better now than I was. I had to go through a HUGE legal battle with my high school because they did not want me to graduate or home school me...that was very, very painful. And i've had suicidal thoughts for a long time but...everyone just says i'm good at copeing... With what I have...I obviously can't get out much, and before I was sick...I was a star football player and everything, would have never dreamed of having an online relationship...but when I was at my worst with being sick...I met the love of my life....Stacy. I actually met her on world of warcraft...yea I know it's weird. But we have been together for over three years, and she got me through everything she was perfect. The love of my life...no matter what was happening, everything would be fine when I was with her...before I met her...would have never thought something like this would happen...but, she really ment the world to me and...now she's gone =( She is dead and was murdered...and I really feel I have nothing now. I can't imagine 60 more years without her. She died on the 4th of July...she was beaten and....well i'll just post the last letter she sent me in a bit...it'll be easier to understand. But now...I still can't get out much and...to try to take my mind off things I was working overtime in world of warcraft being in one of the top guilds...and now I needed to take some time off because I can't focus on anything...I just miss her so much...and me wanting to just take 1 week off....turned into a huge flamefest...people who I thought would support me and help me through this....didn't turn out so helpfull, and it's hard for me to reach out. She was the only one...who was able to help me...and I loved her so much. I know what some people may thing but...I know she's real and was real....and all of this is real...I don't know what to do now....I don't know how to take my mind of things, and I honestly don't want to be alive to tell you the truth...and in all honesty i did attempt it in the past before i met her...and I REALLY did not want to do it....it just happened and...I lived no problem but that really does scare me....this is the last letter she wrote to me (i've talkd with the cousin more before also...) but.....yea she's everything to me....I still can't believe she's gone....idk what to do...thanks Dearest Paul, If you have recieved this is I have left this mortal plane, and my cousin is fulfilling my final wishes. I have been hospitalized ever since my finals ended. One night after work I was attacked and robbed. The attackers beat me and left me for dead. Oh my Paul I am so heart-broken over this. Now my soul and heart are with you and will watch over and protect you. Please do not do anything stupid because you know I will wait for you out side those pearly gates until I can walk with you in arm in arm like the lovers we are. There is so much that has been taken from us, but I got to know, and love, and cherish my time with you and nothing could have been better. Live a long full love my dear prince. *wraps my arms around you and holds close to you forever* I will be with you when it is our time. I love you more than even life itself. Stacy died at 1:37 pm on July 4, 2007 Better half of Paul and truely loved of Paul, forever watching over and with him. She was cremated and her ashes set adrift on the wind so that she may find you. Her parents took her off life support after she entered a coma 3 days before her death. They are now moving to parts unknown. They kept her death frm the papers because they believed she was something to be ashemed of. I no longer care because Stacy was the only reason I had for contacting that side of my family. The above was written by Stacy just moments before she entered the coma. You are truely blessed to have been her lover. Good-bye.