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New and desperate

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Phoenix86, Oct 6, 2010.

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  1. Phoenix86

    Phoenix86 New Member

    Hi everyone. First I'm sorry for jumping right into posting, but I'm so desperate I just didn't know what else to do. I can't stop thinking about killing myself. I have a history of eating disorder, depression, anxiety, self harm, and severe PTSD. I have tried to kill myself 3 times, with the last attempt being 6 years ago, roughly. I haven't been on meds in 3 years.

    More importantly though, I just got a job a month ago after lookin for nearly 2 years and I love it. So why can't I stop obsessing about killing myself?! I can't figure this out. Is it possible that I love my job and hate my life all at the same time? Or does this make me more of a screwup?

    I can't do this anymore. How do I get back on track? How do I make this all end?!
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 6, 2010
  2. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    Don't be sorry I did the same thing!
    I'm sure there are reasons you are still hurting but you have to tell us first. And having problems with your life without knowing them definitely doesn't make you a screw up. You just need time to think about it.

    When you figure out what's going on, we're here to help :D
  3. Phoenix86

    Phoenix86 New Member

    Thanks for responding. I don't know what's going on. It feels chemical in a way. I have tons of issues with flashbacks to old abuse still, but I've been working through all of that for years. But lately, I can't sleep, i can't eat, and I feel like I can't function. Which of course makes it all worse, because I have a new boss I'm trying to impress.

    I'm sorry I'm being so vague and chaotic.
  4. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    Don't worry I understand. That's what my diary is like, lol.
    Speaking of which do you keep one it may help you sort things out in your mind. It helps to point out what's actually bothering you.

    It could just be your flashbacks but it's probably more than that. It could be chemical too so you should also seek professional help once you get the chance.
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