Hi everyone. First I'm sorry for jumping right into posting, but I'm so desperate I just didn't know what else to do. I can't stop thinking about killing myself. I have a history of eating disorder, depression, anxiety, self harm, and severe PTSD. I have tried to kill myself 3 times, with the last attempt being 6 years ago, roughly. I haven't been on meds in 3 years. More importantly though, I just got a job a month ago after lookin for nearly 2 years and I love it. So why can't I stop obsessing about killing myself?! I can't figure this out. Is it possible that I love my job and hate my life all at the same time? Or does this make me more of a screwup? I can't do this anymore. How do I get back on track? How do I make this all end?!