New and looking for someone who understands

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by lost4good, Sep 6, 2013.

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  1. lost4good

    lost4good Member

    My name is lost4good and this is how I constantly feel no one that is in my family understands why I feel this way or would want out of my life so I am hoping to find understanding and support from those who have been in my situation
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi lost4good I am sorry your family is not understanding how you feel but when ready you post ok let us know what has got you so down so we can help you. We do understand here hun and we won't judge you Welcome to SF
     
  3. lost4good

    lost4good Member

    Thanks for the kindness total eclipse I isolate myself so much that it is rare and hard for me to accept it. I am bi polar 1 I have 2 suicide attempts and have been hospitalized more times than I can remember. I am disabled and have accomplished very little in life I have a wife and a 5 year old daughter. My coping methods lately have been very poor I self injure and spend most of my day in tears. I am a bad father and spouse I let my family down daily and can't function I stay alive for them but put them throughout hell by living
     
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Hey lost4good, welcome to SF. You are bound to find a lot of supportive and understanding people here.
     
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi lost4good. I am so sorry to read about the challenges and pain you have expereinced for so long. Yes, there are people here who will relate. People who have bipolar. I dont usually say people ARE bipolar or any other diagnosis. Because I really do not think our condition is who we are. Thats why I wrote that people "have" bipolar. The pain of having conditions that make someone "disabled" can be unimaginable by those who do not suffer with such conditions. I am not sure there is a way to understand why someone feels as they do. Its a matter of just honoring that they do. And this is the condition they are in. Accept and love someone for what their condition is. But many very good folks just do not know to do that. They do not know to accept someone for where they are. Because they are suffering so greatly. And adding to their suffering by not understanding or rejecting how they are is, well, pain upon pain upon pain.

    I hope you will continue to post here. I hope this can be your refuge. Most people here do understand. And those who do not, honestly dont stay long in this good community. I am glad you are a part of this community now.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is your depression hun that fills your mind with all those negative thoughts. You are not a bad father hun or husband you have an illness and you need support and care as with any illness I do hope you can get that support to stabilize you and bring you some joy back You have a 5 yr old daughter hun who loves you unconditionally children do that
    You keep talking to us ok we will listen
     
  7. lost4good

    lost4good Member

    I wish bi polar was my only problem I have PTSD from 3 ongoing abuses I received as a child 1 sexual and violent 1 sexual as much as I remember and 1 violent from my mother I self injure to feel and punish myself and don't know if I can get past what I have put my wife and daughter through though the cycle of violence has been broken I have never laid a hand on my daughter or wife they are my reason for living at this point
     
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    You broke the cycle of abuse with your wife and daughter. That was a very strong thing for you to do. You are in good company here. So many of us are wounded. And we do understand. You are not alone when you are here. Are you in therapy? I hope so. You deserve to have as much healing as possible.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2013
  9. lost4good

    lost4good Member

    Yes I have a therapist I see every week and psychiatrist that tries to keep my meds stable, I was on lithium and that worked great. It started to cause problems with my kidneys. I am on trileptal and I guess it's helping a bit however mixed with many situational things in life and my med being messed up I am struggling with wanting to die more than I can remember.
     
  10. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am hoping that you can get some support and relief from being here. Enough to keep you alive !! As I think you may know, it is so important for every dad and mom to keep fighting with all their might to stay alive. Although it doesnt change the feelings and the pain that are behind the "wanting to die"
     
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