New and needing venting

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Audio84, Sep 7, 2011.

  1. Audio84

    Audio84 New Member

    Hello Everyone, (this is kinda long...its my first time :cazza:)
    This is my first time becoming a part of a suicide forum. I have never attempted suicide, but i sure have thought about it. I will sometimes plan it out in my head to a T. I never have any intentions of going through with it I think, but just the planning process makes me feel so good. I assume it is what people feeling like when they cut themselves to relieve emotional pain.

    My story: I was always a pretty girl, humble, but pretty. Until I turned 23 and was plagued with adult acne. Where as I used to go to out all the time and go to the beach with no inhibitions. I now at almost 28 have turned a complete 180. I find excuses out of every friendship, relationship, or social event possible. I work hard to be alone. I do this because i feel like everyone is staring at my face. And almost, it seems like I punish myself for being so ugly. (Im not one of those girls who have a few zits). I mean, people are in fact staring at my face. I have been poked and prodded and pilled up and all were dead end roads and the realization that i will just have this face for life possibly, has recently all set in.

    Friends have called me "flakey" when i back out of things like running marathons. What i hear when I HEAR marathon is, no makeup= no way.
    My current boyfriend is quite the looker...past girlfriends also up there on the scale. We have a lot of problem because I pretty much hate myself and I know that it affects the way i am in this relationship. (We met during my 3 month clearing after Accutane). False advertisement right? lol
    I know everyone has problems, but i just hate that i wear them on my face.:eek:hwell
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun welcome to SF. so many new medications out there for adult acne. I do hope you find one that can help hugs
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forums, Audio! :welcome:

    My thoughts are with you, and know that I am reading what you write and am available to talk to you in PM if you ever want to. ~ Regards, Alex ~