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New and needing venting

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#1
Hello Everyone, (this is kinda long...its my first time :cazza:)
This is my first time becoming a part of a suicide forum. I have never attempted suicide, but i sure have thought about it. I will sometimes plan it out in my head to a T. I never have any intentions of going through with it I think, but just the planning process makes me feel so good. I assume it is what people feeling like when they cut themselves to relieve emotional pain.

My story: I was always a pretty girl, humble, but pretty. Until I turned 23 and was plagued with adult acne. Where as I used to go to out all the time and go to the beach with no inhibitions. I now at almost 28 have turned a complete 180. I find excuses out of every friendship, relationship, or social event possible. I work hard to be alone. I do this because i feel like everyone is staring at my face. And almost, it seems like I punish myself for being so ugly. (Im not one of those girls who have a few zits). I mean, people are in fact staring at my face. I have been poked and prodded and pilled up and all were dead end roads and the realization that i will just have this face for life possibly, has recently all set in.

Friends have called me "flakey" when i back out of things like running marathons. What i hear when I HEAR marathon is, no makeup= no way.
My current boyfriend is quite the looker...past girlfriends also up there on the scale. We have a lot of problem because I pretty much hate myself and I know that it affects the way i am in this relationship. (We met during my 3 month clearing after Accutane). False advertisement right? lol
I know everyone has problems, but i just hate that i wear them on my face.:ohwell
 

Speedy

Staff Alumni
#3
Welcome to the forums, Audio! :welcome:

My thoughts are with you, and know that I am reading what you write and am available to talk to you in PM if you ever want to. ~ Regards, Alex ~
 
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