New and not sure

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pete_D_LDN, Aug 15, 2007.

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  1. Pete_D_LDN

    Pete_D_LDN Guest

    Hi, been feeling like ending myself recently and was searching the net and found this place. I have been a loner all my life, I have a couple of friends that I see maybe once a month. Im 22 and today got mistaken for being 14. This is probably my biggest problem. My youth is being wasted by looking stupidly young. Im scared of going anywhere because I am so selfconsious of how young I look and so avoid any contact with people (except for work). Im an electrician and make up stories to my coworkers about what I do with my 'friends'. I know its pathetic but I just cant help myself. Anyways no-one I really care about tries to contact me. I cant find motivation to ring family, Mum and Dad live about 100 miles away. but it does hurt me to know that they feel the same way bout me. Brother lives 10 mins away and havnt spoken to him in months. Thing is I dont even care anymore, I can make it real easy for every1. I dont want to spite them. They have no idea how im feeling. They also think im normal, with normal friends, and a normal life (I can be a really good liar). I have started to drop hints tho to my dad, he started to dig and I started to think that this could be my ticket to help but when I did start to talk deep he ended the convo as quickly as he could, trying not to hurt my feelings. Im alone, depressed, everything I want im too scared to get, hate my job, hate myself. Im not sure why im writing here because I wasnt sure I wanted help. Im just terryfied of pain and what people will think of my easy way out. I hope someone understands how I feel coz no amount of typing will ever express it, and believe me, ive tried.I wish I could be someone else but that is never going to happen so do I have to settle for what I am? I laugh at myseld im so pathetic sometimes and that hurts me too. I have no idea of anything nemore and just want to know what any1 thinks. Sorry for the rant
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2007
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so upset about what is going on. When you are young, you want to look older, when you are older you want to look younger. Don't give up trying to talk to your dad. He may be afraid of the subject right now, but later may be able to accept that the conversation needs to happen.

    :welcome: to the forum, I forgot to tell you that. :blink: I hope you are able to find support here. :hug:
     
  3. Pete_D_LDN

    Pete_D_LDN Guest

    Thankyou for the reply. I understand that some people see looking young as a good thing but I cant find anyone my own age that will accept me unless I show ID and I cant be bothered with anyone like that. Anyone know a 22 year old lady who wants to date someone that looks 14? Im sure people would look in disgust if someone like that was to kiss me. And people always say that when im 30 and looking 20 it will be a good thing. Ill still be the same, no confidence, motivation, life. Plus I would like to be living my life as a 20 year old while I am this age and not 30.

    Right now im sticking to my plan and probably will do till I have to finish it, and then bottle it. I know people have it so much worse than me but im just weak.
     
  4. hello mate. i have the oppisate problem to you. i am 23 but i look older(most say late 20's). this has affected me in all ways of life, but mostly with girls. and it is hard and i have learnt to get used to it. if they are shallow enough to judge becuase you look young/old then there not worth knowing really. i used to walk my sister to school sometimes and people used to think i was her dad. im only 5 years older FFS. just stick with it and learn to appreacte things you do have in life.
     
  5. chasing_dreams

    chasing_dreams Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome to the forum :smile:

    You said that you thought talking to your dad about how you feel could have been your ticket to help - is there anyone else that you could talk to about how you're feeling? Some people do tend to switch off when the conversation gets too deep, but it's usually because they don't know what to say, not because they don't care. Or I know it's a big step to take but you could even just go to your GP and tell them what's going on in your life.

    You don't sound pathetic at all. I know what it's like to look younger than you are (I'm now a few years older than you and i'm used to it - still get asked for ID stupidly often though) and it does get better. I know everyone says it, but you might be glad of it when you're older.

    Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say that you've come to a great place and I hope you find lots of support here.
     
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