New Blade

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Auerbach, Jan 22, 2013.

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  1. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    So I cut last night, one on the inside of each arm. Before that I hadn't cut in about a month. I still feel like cutting again, I'm thinking should I cut my <edit mod triggering> I've cut my <edit mod triggering>xxx before, but never my xxxx

    The outside of my arms are now filled with white lines from all the cutting I've been doing last year. There is no going back from here now, these are permanent. But I guess it is ok since all this will eventually lead to my suicide, which will be definite. I'm too far into this now.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 22, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are never to far into it hun there is always a point where you can say STOP and you can REACH out for HELP you can talk to your doctor someone and throw dam blades away ok
    you do have control you do have a choice YOU and YOU alone hun you stopped it once you can stop it again
  3. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    you're funny. You must not have read the part about the white lines scarring all over my arm, those are permanent, and that's why I said there is no going back from here, as I just cut twice last night.
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I'm aware that self harm scars feel like they are permanent. Yet I also know that they do fade over time too. I have a friend who hasn't done anything in over 3 years and it's been clear hers have faded. I have an aunt who has been up and down with this for 22 years too. It isn't impossible to get around.

    Thinking there is no turning back is what I would call an excuse to avoid hard work of sorting yourself out, but that's only my opinion. The reality is, you're in a dangerous mindset. If you feel like talking about why you feel that way, you can always send me a pm on the forum or even drop into the chatroom (the users online/in chat lists are near the bottom of the index to the forum), if you want to.

    In most cases there is a way forward. It's up to you whether you want to try to live rather than exist. And as a pro-life peer to peer support site, we generally try to encourage living.
  5. a 4 she

    a 4 she Member

    most of the scars fade away... It takes some time but, at leats mines, have been in my body for two years and now I can still see them if I try it, but ppl don't see them at first sight... If that helps...
  6. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I cut three nice ones last night. And right now I just feel like going and going and going, the fucking loser that I am, the pathetic waste that i am. After I die I want them to dissolve my body out of physical existence.
  7. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    You're clearly in a rut, but seeming not to respond to helpful advice.

    You're not a pathetic loser just because you SH. So you have scars. It's not much different to people having accidental scars from scrapes/grazes/burns - and are they losers? (just an analogy).

    Use the help on offer, don't throw away a chance of potential recovery because you're stubbornly blinkered by issues (stopping you see a bigger picture clearly). It is a common faux pas of depression that it consumes us to point where we can't see the picture as clearly as an unbiased outsider.
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