New crush & dead ex

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Lorax, Apr 18, 2015.

  1. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    Not sure if this is the right thread, sorry if not.

    So, I work with a girl about 4 years older than me. I don't get to see her much, since I work alone usually. But, sometimes we are together, or I'll stop by to see her.

    She's got a real 'wall' and seems eternally angry/ stressed. But, around me, she seems to be relaxed. We spend most our time laughing, or joking. Or just talking about random stuff. I really like her company. Sometimes (like today) she still withdraws, but not nearly as much as when we first met.

    She just went through a divorce, and has a kid. (Around 7 i think) She's working hard for him, and going to school. I really admire that about her.

    But I am at a point, where I feel bad thinking about/ seeing her so unhappy. I really want to offer my support, and know more about her & her situation. But, I have no clue how to bring it up, and I choke when I try to. Or how to see her more, without having to come in randomly.

    I think she enjoys my company, at least in ways of the light atmosphere I make & having someone to distract her. I'm fairly sure it's one sided. Even if it wasn't, the whole situation with kid & my situations seem like they would be big barriers.

    But, if we can't be together, I'd really like to find a way to express that I want her as a friend, and to help make her smile. (She's cute when she smiles) but it seems hopeless. I keep dropping my confidence/ words.

    Then I feel like I'm bad, that I feel this way. I promised not to feel/ act on those feelings, to honor my fallen EX. She did more for me, than I can ever say. So why am I suddenly feeling things for a new girl anyways? I still love my ex & I will forever. But… I still have a small desire to be with someone else… Maybe I should just avoid her & move my thoughts to something else…
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 18, 2015
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your ex is your ex for a reason time to move on ok
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You need to move in slowly and carefully, tell her you have noticed she seems a bit down and offer a listening ear, that will at least let her know you care enough about her to do that. It's normal to fancy someone else even if you do still love your ex. Remember your ex is your ex for a reason. :hug:
  4. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    I think the whole 'dead' thing plays a big part in that.
  5. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    That's surprisingly good advice, I couldn't think how to word it. I still feel nervous saying it, though that's never stopped me before. Next time I see her, I'll leave on that.

    I'll save the big romantic confession, for when we're on the beach. Wind blowing through our hair, and the land sharks closing in on us. Shooting their lazors at the city. Then… I'll gently whisper 'i kind of like you' then… they fly over us, leaving our love to the fragmented remains of the rest of our lives, and city.

    That's a good confession lol