New dad seeking help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sean_macleod, Sep 2, 2008.

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  1. sean_macleod

    sean_macleod Member

    Hi im Sean, i have been ill for 2 months now was in hospital for 3 weeks but they have realised me.

    Im not happy at all i have had avery hard year my best friend died suddenly of sudden adlut death syndrome in januart a few days after my son was born and was in special care so i didnt have time to grief for the loss of my freind.
    Sense my son has been sick frequently in and out of hospital.

    2 months ago i sarting being sick all the time after every meal drink, so i was sent to hospital were they done all these tests, they couldnt find anything wronf with me so i was discharged after 3 weeks. I still am being sick every day.

    I cant cope any more im not bringing any money for my family we cant afford the rent and im seriously thinking about killing my self. It would be best for my family. I have tried befor 3 years ago and failed.

    My dad killed him self when i was born, i wonder if its genetic.

    I just cant see a way out.
     
  2. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    Hi Sean

    Welcome to SF. You've done the brave thing by coming on here.
    You've gone through a traumatic experience losing your friend, and adjusting to Parenthood can be traumatic too - to realise that there's this little person reliant on you. How does your partner cope? is she supportive of you? does she know how difficult you are finding this? Do you have any family close by that can help.

    Looking at the practical issues, I think you should speak to someone at the Job Centre/ DWP or DSS or whatever it is called to see if there is any help you and your family can get with paying the rent.

    Don't let your son suffer the way you have - growing up without knowing his dad. Give him the chance to play football with you, give him the chance to know you're proud of him.

    Make an appointment with your GP and tell him or her that you're feeling this way. or phone the Samaritans and talk to someone there.

    Always happy to listen, take care.

    Kenny
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Even though things are rough right now, you need to think about that baby. What kind of legacey are you leaving him? 1st his grandpa, then his dad!!. Sure things are rough right now. We are in a recession here in the USA. Jobs are near impossible to find. Please think of your son! He needs you now! You need to grow with him. It is a two way street.. Good Luck and Stay Safe!!!:chopper:!!!
     
  4. sean_macleod

    sean_macleod Member

    I have been to the docs they have given me anti depressents that take 2 weeks to start, im adopted when my dad died we carried on living with my mum she meet a man and he abused me and beat me, so i went into care.

    I dont have any family near me i moved to be with my gf, and baby. She has post natal depression. I havent been able to keep a meal down for 2 months and i just cant cope. my body is weak my mind is weak.

    My family will be better of without me.
     
  5. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    No your family needs you, especially if your gf has post natal depression.

    Don't you want to see your son grow up? He needs you.
    its possible that its stress causing you to be sick. have another chat with your doctor, see if there's anything he can give you for anxiety?

    take care
     
  6. sean_macleod

    sean_macleod Member

    yes i wanna see him grow old but i dunno if i can, its so hard.

    At the moment there both better of without me, all i can think about it the amount of meds sitting in the kitchen i know its idiotic but its the only way i can see escapeing.
     
  7. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Hy:hug::)
    I dont think that's true. And even if it was, suicide would bring only more problems.

    Your wife does need you. It would be disaster if she would lose you, and your son would live without father. There is also possibility, that your wife would not be able to take care for child because of her own problems (your death)

    It would be good to look for help.

    I wish you well.
     
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It may be the only way you see to escape but it isn't sean. Keep pushing those docs until they find out what the health problems are. Try contacting a support group for new dads or for people who are suicidal or for whatever plagues you. Keep posting here. There are so many avenues available to you to find support and good resources. You have only begun this road of parenting. This isnt meant to "guilt" you any way but the responsiblilties of that little person that has come into this world is a 50/50 split between you and the girlfriend. My youngest has been without a father for two years. Trust me there are times when as hard as I try I cant match the experiences that he should be sharing with a father. Hun I understand a lot of what you are dealing with. I'm a single mom and unemployed because of my mental health issues. Meeting the demands of the world are damn hard. Most times they seem to take over your life but you have to keep pulling yourself along. Why? Just to prove to yourself that the world can kick you in the ass but you can still get up and tell it where to go!!! Please dont give up you are not alone. PM me if you feel up to it.
     
  9. pían

    pían Member

    You're family would not be better off without you Sean. Your wife and son would lose their closet companion, it is quite possible that depression does run in the genetics of your family if your dad suffered from it as well.

    Perhaps write to your local politician, it sounds very lazy of your local hospital to discharge you just because they can't find out what is wrong. Right now by the sounds of it you need medical attention soon.

    Although you're not in a position to work, if you're illness is not contagious then perhaps to make yourself feel useful you could help around the house, clean up, cook food, help with the child care etc. Feeling useful will help greatly.

    Good luck to you anyway, I hope you pull through.
     
  10. ih8orfans

    ih8orfans Member

    they don't call it the land of opartunity for nothing you know :)
    money can be hard, but consider seeing a financial consultant and/or a financial planner, you can't mange this on your own :).
    love x
     
  11. Ediciussievol

    Ediciussievol Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you came here.

    I really want to tell you a story that I am reminded of, from personal experience.

    When I was in basic training, it was in the middle of winter and we were camping out (FTX on Bivouac). Normally, you sleep as long as possible because you are dog tired. Well, that morning I woke up early. I woke up wide awake. About 5 minutes later, I heard a gunshot. A private had killed himself outside. There was crying, screaming. The drill sergeants were crying... they had lost one of their sons.

    The private, about 17 or 18, had killed himself on his father's anniversary of committing suicide 5 years prior, to the day.

    I'll never forget the sound of the gunshot, nor anything else that day. I remember later in the week the mother and his sister bent over and sobbing over his casket. They looked like they didn't have the energy to even get back up on their own. We had two funerals, one for us and them, and one for just for us. There were his boots, and his rifle, and his dogtags if I remember correctly. They seemed cold. And empty just sitting there without him in them.

    I remember the crying. And I remember the empty bed in the barracks.

    But most of all, I remember what a double tragedy it turned out to be in the end, that I know the father couldn't have forseen.

    Look at it through the eyes of your son.

    Find your hope. It's there. But you have to find it. There are certain agencies that can help with things like rent, if you will share your story of need with them. Start searching. And I know what you are thinking about dying being better for them. But life insurance won't replace YOU. And YOU is what they need right now.

    Hang on there, okay? You're among friends now.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 2, 2008
  12. sean_macleod

    sean_macleod Member

    i went to the docs today, and am being sent to my local mental health team today or tomorrow, feel better today knowing they know i need help. Told work how i felt and they understand.

    So things seem to get better, im wondering if my dad didnt have any help as tbh my mum was a bitch, as she let a man beat us and abuse us a sat there watching.

    My adopted parents have been great was on the phone to my dad for ages, last night. Thing is my parents now are 60 and in that older generation that dont understand depression.
     
  13. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    Hi Sean

    That's good news. It's a massive weight off your shoulders isn't it?


    Please hang in there, and if you need to talk there are plenty of us around here, myself included, willing to listen mate.


    take care
     
  14. sean_macleod

    sean_macleod Member

    had a very bad night actualy cut my self tonight, dunno why i feel so much worse at night.:sad:

    i really need help
     
  15. sean_macleod

    sean_macleod Member

    Havent stoped being sick all day, i cant cope with it any more. Its hurts, the anit sicknes tablet i just throw back up.

    I rang the doctors they said i just need to wait 2 weeks to see the mental health team, i cant wait that long i really cant.

    Im really on the edge i can only see one way out
     
  16. sean_macleod

    sean_macleod Member

    tried to take my life yesterday, so i hit rock bottom failed sadly. still being sick. But hey.
     
  17. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Sean,
    You need to go to the hospital and tell them what has happened. Tell them about the suicide attempt, and just how depressed you are. You should write everything down so you don't forget anything. For you to attempt, you are in crisis and really need the help!!
    Please don't try again, seek the help it is out there. I hope you think about your new baby and realize what would happen to you without you being there for her/him!! Please take care Sean!!!:chopper:!!!
     
  18. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    thinking that those around us would be better off without us is probably the most common lie/misconception that we all have. it makes us feel better about what we want to do. it makes us feel like we could finally do someone some good in a life where we have felt we always failed, but its just how we see things, because our view is scewed. my husband always plays to my logical and rational side when i get like that. he explains the simple truth of how the finances would suffer, how our obligations (we foster for a local animal shelter) would suffer without my half of the work, how his own psyche would suffer, how my mother would suffer after having lost her sister and then her mother, how my father would suffer losing the last living member of his family (besides himself). he brings me out of the cloud of misconceptions brought on my my bpd and helps me to see more clearly. think about the reverse situation. maybe your gf also thinks you and the baby would be better off without her... maybe her depression gives her the same warped thinking. would you and your son really be better off? no way, so its pretty unlikely your death would improve things for them. she may even give in and follow your lead if you committed suicide, then your son would go into the system, thats never good for anyone. try to take a step back at this impossible time and find one truth, one simple and small truth, one thing, no matter how small that would be worse for those you loved if you died and hang onto that one truth for dear life. ride out the storm on that tiny piece of jetsom and you may yet see the dawn of a new day and hope.
     
  19. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    Hi Sean

    welcome to sf , please give things a lil longer , let us help u here on the forum or come into chat , dont become a statistic hun , let urself be helped and heal so that ur lil baby can be supported and enjoyed by u both and u can be the happy family man u deserve to be.

    Ur family are certainly not better off without u , they are lucky that u have seen the problems and are trying to get help.

    I doubt its genetic with ur dads suicide more likely the timing of ur friends tragic passing and ur sons borth have reawakened painful thoughts and memories of the way ur father passed and the timing of that .

    please be safe try not to cut , :hug:

    love Jox

    trouble.jo@hotmail.co.uk add me if u have msn
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 8, 2008
  20. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Sean,

    Im sorry to hear you are struggling so much at the moment. sounds like you and your babys mum are having a hard time. I think dad can suffer from a form of post-natal depression too. So much in your life has changed, yet things seem so bad.

    All i can say is i have seen the other side. My boyfriends dad committed suicide and i watched him fall apart, then slowly rebuild himself. I dont think he will ever be the same. He miss my boyfriend finish school, get jobs, he wont be at our wedding, he wont be there when he grandchild is born. nothing. just a big empty space. But at least my boyf has some memories of his dad, your little one will have none.

    They are not better of without you. i know its not enought and i know it hurts. i know it all hurts so much it can seem like there is no way out, but i promise, things can get better.

    if you need a friend, you have one here.

    :hug:
     
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