New Day.. New thoughts of dying.

[aussiegal]

So I am sitting here in front of my computer. I am dressed ready to go to work tho I have no idea why as I have no motivation to live let alone work. Wondering what I can do to get myself out of the house. Then my thoughts switch to 'wonder what i can do to die'.

No purpose to fight the fight today. Somebody lock me up in a soundproofed room. That way nobody can hear my screams of pain. Oh wait... pretty sure thats what its like being inside my head!! (A soundproof room where nobody hears me).

 

[total eclipse]

YOu said it so well hun but i do hope you call and talk to someone okay your doctor someone who can help you get rid of the pain inside the sadness hugs I find work helps to distract my mind some keeps me away from those thoughts hugs

 

[aussiegal]

Day ends and I still feel the same. Forgot about the thoughts and feelings for a short while at work. But home again now. Finished work. Still want to die. Had the chance today... Had a truck make a right hand turn in front of me. Had the choice... to brake and stop or to drive straight on through. Obviously I chose the first option. Not real sure why. Must be some part of me that wants to live I guess, although I am not sure where that part is hiding.

See the psychologist tomorrow. Been seeing her every week for three years now. She is very good but nothing seems to help. Must be a lost cause. Hoping everyone else is doing a bit better than I am!!!!!