New, Depressed, No hope

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DrkHelmet, Nov 5, 2008.

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  1. DrkHelmet

    DrkHelmet New Member

    Succinctly, I've come in here because I've lost all reason I ever had to continue living. Everything has gone down the drain. I have collated a list and bulleted it:

    • I'm $100,000 in debt for college
    • The market for my expertise collapsed, and I'm unemployed
    • My family is estranged
    • No woman has ever been interested in me
    • I'm 23, and was diagnosed with clinical depression 17 years ago
    • I am generally of ill health
    • I don't have any friends
    • I live in a trailer because that's the only way I will have a roof over my head
    • In a couple months, I'm going to have to sell my car just to keep eating

    Due to my situation, I don't really foresee any future that I can consider acceptable and viable. I am open to the idea that I am possibly missing something, but I can't imagine what. Each day I think about it more and more, how logical it seems.

    So, yes, that's how I come to be here.
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    Welcome. I'm glad you found us. I'm also unemployed at the moment, the last of my savings is trickling away. I can really related to what you wrote, it's awful, isn't it?

    So, I was recently in the hospital (long story) and asked the doctor the same thing.... what am I missing.... Her answer was that I was unwell.... and that if I was healthy then I could manage to handle all the stressors of life (unemployment etc.) without turning to suicide. It really helped me adjust my thinking. I had forgotten that feeling suicidal was a symptom of being unwell, rather than a solution to the trouble I find myself in. Not sure I explained that very well, but hope it makes some sense to you. Are you getting treatment for your depression? Do you feel like the treatment is working?
     
  3. DrkHelmet

    DrkHelmet New Member

    In answer to your first question, not currently. Without any money or medical benefits, it's hard to get treatment.

    In answer to your second question, I have been under treatment off and on for 17 years - xanax, wellbutrin, bupropion, prozac, effexor, and some others but i don't even remember now. The only one that worked worth a crap was wellbutrin, but i had a sudden and violent reaction to it after I was on it for a couple years.
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Drkhelmet,
    Been there and done that!!My doctor is running out of options. I was on prosac last,it worked for a while but once I built up a tolerance to it, it stopped working so now I am on paxil,I am also on several other meds that seem to help some.
    I finally found a doctor to prescribe xanax for my anxiety and the first pill I took made me appear to be major drunk. The dosage was to high. I cut them in half and took 1/2 in the morning and 1/2 in the evening and it worked. it made me a little tired when I first took them but after about an hour I was doing fine. My sister freaked out because of that first pill and called my doctor and told him I was having side effects so he stopped my presciption and called the pharmacy and cancelled my refills.
    Now I am F****d because he won't give it back to me. I can't keep going at this pace. I guess what I am trying to say is don't let your guard down because even the doctors will stick it to you....The only one I trust now is me, myself, and I!!! At least I know I won't be back stabbed. I won't tell my sister shit anymore. When she asks I just smile at her and say nothing!!! I wish you luck and be carefull!!!~Joseph~
     
  5. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Hiya and welcome to the site :) I don't always have the words I need when I want them, like now, but I wanted to say that I read your post and that if you need a friend, even one who only has the word :hug: you are welcome to that word :)
     
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Drkhelmet and welcome to SF. The first thing you have to do is find a job so that you will have money to buy the essentials (food, clothes etc.). Then you have to try making payments on your $100 000 debt, or possibly declare bankrupcy. It really sucks not being able to find a job after going through college, but that's the situation that were in. Just try to find a job to pay the bills. Please don't give up hope. :hug:
     
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