New Diagnosis BPD...explains alot.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by gothic_spleen, Apr 1, 2010.

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  1. gothic_spleen

    gothic_spleen Antiquities Friend

    My doctor handed me a great piece of news on monday. BPD. It explains alot, and at the same time very cryptic. I consider myself an educated man. Graduated near the top of my class with a masters in of all thing Psych. But I always new i was a lil off...but somehow i missed it. I went to deny it at first, but as we went over the checklist together, it hit me like a slap in the face. Its me, I cant deny it. Everything I do, in life, to myself, behavior towards others, its all their, in black and white(BPD pun aside). I lost my very lucrative career in law enforcement due to BPD related issues. I sit here jobless, my education is now useless, seriously, who in the hell is gonna hire me. and i see myself slipping into this cycle of self abuse, depression, and suicidal thoughts. Everything I have been taught works on others, but not myself.

    Just ranting....My apologies.
  2. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    Same here, at one time I lost my dream the current job I've had for 3 years , im on medical leave.

    Are you on some structured path of rebuilding yourself mentally/emotinally?
    Why do you think it works on others but not yourself?
  3. gothic_spleen

    gothic_spleen Antiquities Friend

    well after talking to my therapist today and contracting safety, we have decided that I should at least think about DBT...I sit here thinking, wow how many clients have I sent to DBT, and now im going myself?...and i get even more depressed. Irritating cycle. I dont think it works for myself because sub-consciously i wont let it...another irritating cycle.
  4. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    I know it's ironic being on the flip side. I work in healtcare myself and was admitted to the hosp I work was a strange feeling but the reality is, we are all human....

    Really awesome thear that you spoke to the therapist and contracted safety and's a new journey....a time to lay all the cards out and be new and fresh.

    I have that issue too with the's amazing what that part of our brain/mind is capable of....I think that making ourselve vulnerable and open doesn't mean we are giving up self dignity or authority but rather allowing change and new info to come in so we can better out better SELF.

    I hope it goes well and you will have to give us insight your experience since it's such an irony....
  5. gothic_spleen

    gothic_spleen Antiquities Friend

    I know that with BPD we experience periods of extreme depression, sometimes between 3 and 5 in day 3, I am hoping it goes away. I see that I am having periods of loss of control. The control over the urges of self abuse, as well as the control over the feelings of suicide. Thats what worrys me, right now, this very second i am ok, but what about tonight, in 10 mins? an hour?

    will I have the control over myself, to not just do what i am thinking(walking to the gun cabinet and doing what I am thinking)(not right this second, but if it comes again). The loss of control...and yet another cycle.
  6. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    Does your therapist know you have access to a gun?
    that's just it, while you are aware and coherent, ask a friend to take the gun until you are on a progressive swing in the balanced direction...

    The dx of BPD is not an easy one,,,,they look for a set of criteria over a period of the recovery/healing, is going to take time too.

    FEAR, don't let that become your secondary condition.....plan it out....anything that you feel may put you in harms way, always let someone know. Do you tend to hold things in emotionally until it builds up?
  7. tiggersafire

    tiggersafire SF Veteran

    I have BPD... I'm sixteen. I go to DBT skills group with three other girls that have BPD and their parents once a week and individual therapy once a week. I don't hurt myself much anymore and it's been months since I've tried to take my life. It really helps. BPD isn't a death sentence... It can and will get better with work and determination.
  8. gothic_spleen

    gothic_spleen Antiquities Friend

    well I met with the therapist today, and next week i start partial outpatient program for stabilization. The meds suck, my life sucks, and may I point out BPD sucks!

    After partial is done(3 weeks)....i then go to DBT...
  9. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I have BPD as well as BiPolar Disorder and PTSD. Your right, the meds do suck and the down cycles are hellish. But with a long time in therapy, CBT in my case, I've ceased self harm (6 months) and the suicidal ideation is far less, sometimes non-existant. I want to encourage you it sounds like you have a good plan for getting better and I'm glad.

    My msn is contact me anytime you need to talk.

  10. TaraJo

    TaraJo Banned Member

    Yeah, borderline is no fun. I'm a BPD surviver myself. It's easier to manage while I have the rest of my personal life stabilized, though; when things were at their worst, I was cutting myself on a pretty much daily basis. Even now that I've started getting things under control and I haven't cut in almost six months, I still worry about my potential for relapse.

    The only advice I can give is to get a therapist who is familiar with BPD and that you feel comfortable with. Mood stabilizers can help, but you don't want to rely on them with to the exclusion of everything else.

    For me, the most important part of therapy seems to be mindfulness. Being aware of how I feel and how the world really is (and how it may be different from my perceptions). Taking a second and analyzing a situation before I simply act on my first impulse.

    I still struggle from time to time; I think we all do. But I'm putting my life together now and I don't think I could have done that before.

    If you want to talk more, I'm easier to reach at facebook. Me, I find it helps to have other people around to talk to that can understand borderline and, as a result, some of my issues. Here's a link to my page: TaraJo's Facebook Profile
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