Hi....First of all, I feel pretty dumb being here after all the kind of problems some people have had to face here. I've been feeling this way for years and I'm finally starting to get tired of pretending I'm this happy laid back guy. I've no real reason to feel like this, I've had my fair share of shit experiences but who hasn't? I'm just fed up of living and the thought of ending it all by hanging is becoming so appealing and more and more prominent in my day to day thoughts constantly. Sounds terrible but I keep wanting something really bad to happen to me or my family so i could actually have a reason for feeling suicidal other than just being 'fed up' and not seeing the point of living. That may be common, I don't know. If I was being honest though, I've always thought I wouldn't be one to talk about commiting suicide and just get on with doing it. But I do think I can see how it may help to stall what may or may not happen. Thanks for listening.