new guy :D

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by bigb420, Dec 13, 2012.

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  1. bigb420

    bigb420 Member

    hi everybody. just made an account a couple minutes ago and im happy i have found a place that i can talk to people who are in similar mind states. im not going to go into my life story but ill give a quick intro. i love music of all kind, rap, classic rock, reggae, electronic, really everything. i love money and i love making money, partying and having a good time. i love helping people and seeing people happy. also, im 18, and have slowly come to the realization that i have a substance abuse problem that has gotten progressively worse over the years. i started smoking weed and drinking around 7th or 8th grade, and over time have tried just about everything in the book...really puts shit into perspective when i see it written out like that.. anyway, as of right now, my drugs of choice are opiates, which i have been doing since 10th grade. now, if you were to know me in real life, you probably wouldnt suspect i have a problem of this magnitude. i have a steady job, go to college, and have a good amount of friends. but when i think about it, the drugs have really started to fuck my mind up. ive always suffered from slight depression, but the past few years i feel as though it has skyrocketed, most likely due to my increased drug use. i have never mentioned any of this to doctors or anything like that. the reason for this, as ass-backwards as it sounds considering the abuse i put my body through, is because i dont want to be put on antidepressants. well anyway, i look forward to meeting and talking to all of you and if anyone has any questions feel free to ask them im really open about everything.
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Hi bigs and welcome.. I have fought lot of same battles you are doing now..former druggie and drunk..more than 33 yrs clean now..words to you is talk to a professional ASAP and start towards becoming possible bigs!!!

    Glad you have joined us...jim
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi welcome to SF hun
  4. bigb420

    bigb420 Member

    appreciate it guys
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi bigb - you sound like a really, really fabulous person! Welcome to SF :)

    One question: would you say that your life is better with the drugs, or worse?
  6. bigb420

    bigb420 Member

    wow thank u for the kind words. and in regards to your question yes my life is better with drugs for the couple hours that im high, and then goes back to shit when im sober. its really quite a vicious circle honestly because i know a big reason i have such bad depression is because my brain is fried and doesnt produce the right amount of chemicals such as serotonin that made me enjoy life in years past which stems from my constant drug use, and yet i feel the only tool i have thats easily accessible to deal with my depression is more pills or stronger opiates that i do not believe im allowed to get specific with, but it does begin with an h. however, i thank god i somehow havent gotten to the point that i use these drugs intravenously....i really cant get down with needles...not that im doing any less harm to myself
  7. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    OK, so, overall, ignoring the 2-hour high - same question - are the other 22 hours in your day better or worse because of the drugs? Thinking of it in yearly terms, if you use daily - and I hope I get the maths right (probably not, what's a calculator? it works out at 730hrs high for which you pay with 8,030 hrs regret.

    Good on you for not going near the needles, but think how happier and stronger you would be without them completely - and there is good news for the brain-fry if you take the remedy (herbal) 5HTP - it boosts the serotonin levels and helps to make you feel really great naturally. I wish you well hun :)
  8. bigb420

    bigb420 Member

    you have no idea how much i appreciate the kind words....and as a matter of fact i believe i have a bottle of 5htp in my kitchen, how is it supposed to be taken? once daily? and regarding your first question, id say the other hours of the day are tolerable because i got a little bit in my system. however, the real bad days are when i dont get anything for more than a 24 hour period, because im currently in the middle of a 5+ week binge of daily or almost daily use. before this i did have a slight problem with opiates, but usually liked to just go out to parties and drink or smoke marijuana. now i feel as though ive become more secluded and really dont enjoy parties and drinking like i did before, preferring to just be around a few people or secluding myself all together. which is crazy to think about honestly because im like the most outgoing person
  9. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Regarding the 5htp, in NZ we can buy it either in 60mg or 120mg doses - I would recommend you start on 120mg daily - but if you want to take more they won't do you much harm (I reckon) because they are herbally based, and a lot better for you than the weed. In fact, you could play a mind-trick on yourself and tell your craving for drugs that you are giving into it, and then give it a dose of 5htp - that way you will tell it who is in control of your life!

    Then when you see yourself becoming weed-free and beginning to feel great again, it's up to you how you regulate it - even if it takes a few years to come off completely it will not matter in the slightest :) It's amazing stuff - I took it for a couple of years when I was finishing my recovery from my depression and attempt. To me, it is an absolute wonder drug.

    If you carry on with the opiates, the other hours of your day will begin to be less and less tolerable honey, because it will continue to dictate your life to you and change you into someone you do not want to be - don't allow it to do that, kick it in the nads while you can hun :)
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