New guy here

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Marvin24, Feb 8, 2013.

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  1. Marvin24

    Marvin24 Member

    Where to start? I'm a transgender ex-mormon in a small, conservative, mormon-dominated town in AZ. I'm a disappointment to my parents (my Dad recently told me I have nothing in my life to be proud of since my two jobs to date lasted a total of 14 mos and I still haven't a degree). I'm an unemployed student owing $700 in rent and an equal amount on a credit card. I'm an introvert with substantial stage-fright, bipolar disorder, and characteristics of the former Asperger's Syndrome (ie, inability to look people in the eye, recognize sarcasm, or read less-obvious body language). About every three weeks I become extremely despondent and paranoid of going out in public. Occasionally at night when it's very quiet I hear random (nonaggressive) voices in my head, muffled like hearing a TV or radio through the wall; mostly gibberish but a phrase here and there comes through clearly.

    But I have a good side too. I love writing, though I rarely finish any of my stories, and I've probably read hundreds of thousands of books in my 23 years. My two cats and my boyfriend/friend-with-benefits keep me grounded and mostly sane. When I get an idea in my head I can be incredibly enthusiastic and persistent; for example, I'm starting a Gay-Straight Alliance at my college so future GLBTQ+ students can have a safe space. I got my first ever A+ and B+ on chemistry exams (I took chem twice in high school and both times I finished with D's).

    Ridiculously long intro; congrats if you've made it this far without falling asleep. But I've been having a very suicidal week and I just need to know there are others out there that have gone through similar crap to mine and come out ahead. Just an hour ago I was testing <edit mod total eclipse method> The biggest things keeping me from offing myself right now:
    1) my parents have paid for six semesters of college, I haven't yet gotten my Associate's because I've changed my major twice and I hate being a poor investment;
    2) I have belongings to get rid of, debts to pay off, and homes for my kitties to find; and
    3) a will to write so my parents don't insist on a stupid, hypocritical mormon funeral (I left that cult when I was 18 or 19 when I found out what a huge farce and fraud it is-- I'm now borderline atheist) and a ridiculously expensive casket when all I want is to be cremated and put in the garden.

    My apologies for excessive windiness. I'll shut up now.

    Call me Marvin (unoriginal but idgaf)
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2013
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Marvin and sound like a wonderful person, not your diagnoses or failures...I have learned so much more from my failures than my successes, that at my ripe old age, I can see them as my college of hard knocks...I hope you find comfort here and that you continue to post and let us know what is going on...welcome again...hugs
  3. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Hello and welcome Marvin, I didn't find your intro long at all. Hope you find here as helpful as I do.
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to SF, Marvin! I enjoyed reading your intro - you are indeed a good storyteller and writer! :) I hope you find the support and caring here that you would like. :hug:
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Marvin, pleased to meet you :) I am very sorry to hear about the negativity from your parents, and am guessing from what you write that you were raised mormon and have realised for yourself that some theology just does not ring true. Of course, when this happens for anyone they are perfectly free to reject it, but this is not the same as rejecting God, and it would be a pity if your formative experiences might influence you to embrace atheism.

    I was raised with faith - thinking it was normal and that everyone was - albeit with a lot of dysfunction because of parental decisions. My journey has been one of sorting out the truth from the lies I was either told or perceived, aversion to 'hype', and impotence from leaders when real guidance was needed. However, God understood all of that and - despite my best efforts at self-sabotage - has set me back on course, for which I know I can only be and will only be eternally grateful.

    Always willing to discuss faith issues, and hope you enjoy SF :)
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