I am a 20 year old guy living in the US with asperger syndrome. Basically, all that means is that in most areas of general knowledge, I am a genius, however, socially, I am retarded. I can’t read facial expressions, I can’t read emotions, and I can’t read body language. I have trouble holding conversations with people, and I often anger or offend people without realizing it. I also have no sense of direction, which makes it difficult to navigate even short distances on the road. Every time I go somewhere I haven’t already been a dozen times, I have to draw a map for myself so I won’t make a wrong turn, even if it’s just to get to a Wal-Mart or a McDonalds. I had a car, but lost it through no fault of my own. Same with my job. I was working as a draftsman designing houses for an architectural firm, but the company went out of business. Shortly after, the guy who sold me my car (who never transferred the paperwork to my name) declared bankruptcy. The bank then took my car. There are no businesses within walking distance, thus, I am unemployed. I receive disability payments from the government for my disorder, but my parents (whom I live with) are poor, and need my money to buy groceries and pay bills. They are unable to help me financially. So basically, every day I sit at home while my family is at work and school (which I also can’t afford) and do nothing. I have no friends. I don’t date. I don’t even have a pet dog. I have no way of meeting people because even if I had money and transportation, I still lack the social skills to talk to a stranger. My life is utterly empty save for my computer, food, television, and sleep. It’s like the movie “Oldboy.” If you haven’t already guessed, I’m severely depressed. For years, the only thing that has kept me alive was my Christian faith (and God’s threat of eternal damnation to all who choose to end their life) but my faith is all but gone. I think about death constantly, although I have never attempted suicide or harmed myself to the point of leaving scars. This is mostly because I feel like if I was covered in scars, then people would accept me even less than they do now. I’d very much like to have a girlfriend in the future, but I don’t see how that would be possible for someone of my age in my situation. Women want men who are secure financially and emotionally. I am neither of these things. I haven’t been in a relationship in four years, and I haven’t been in a healthy relationship ever. I’ve managed to get a few dates since my last breakup, mostly through mutual friends I’ve since lost. I never got a second date with any of them. They all either said I was too awkward and uptight, or just stopped talking to me until I got the hint and left them alone. I crave love more than anything. I am the sweetest, most caring person you’ll ever meet, but unfortunately, I don’t have much more to offer than that. I was hospitalized a few years ago for my depression, so I could be monitored while I tried out different medications. I now take five different drugs daily just to keep myself sane. And that’s my story. Sorry for writing a novel, and thank you to anyone who had the patience to read the whole thing. Mostly I just need someone to talk to right now, and this seemed like a good place to start.