Hi, I'm new to this place and these boards. I am not however a stranger to suicidal thoughts. To say I'm in crisis right now is a bit of an understatement, not that it matters. I know that no one knows me. I generally am a bit of a loner. I don't mean to be, just never have much luck keeping friends. But recently (the last 6 months) I've taken isolation to all new levels. I now have zero friends/aquaintances. I also cut contact with my family at the end of last year (which made xmas a REALLY fun time for me). But this is not the source of my suicidal tendancies. It's just extra bleh.. coz my life wasn't bad enough already. I won't go into details as I don't want to trigger anyone. Let's just say I never got over abuse that happened 9 years ago. Ever since I have been trying to get professional help in order to get better. Unfortunately I have either gotten idiots who just don't "get it", or I get ignored altogether by the national health service. Take last week for example. I saw the clinical psychologist for my bi-yearly appointment. Yes.. you read right, bi-YEARLY.. No wonder I can't get better! Anyway this lady pretty much just says "How are things?", I reply "terrible", and I get sent on my way. That's pretty much how it goes usually. Anyways, I told her point blank that I NEED talking treatment. It's too difficult, I can't take it and I NEED help NOW. What happens? I get sent home with another appointment in 3 months time!! I'm so sick of this. I try and I try to seek the right kind of help. I keep going for what? I KNOW nothing happens straight away, but I've been trying to get some decent help for 9 years. I can't do this alone, and now.. the way my RL situation is, I really AM alone. Recently I got funding for support people (after a wait of 2 years) to help me get out the house. Oh the joys of social phobia. They have zero experience with that, and no clue on how to make it easier.. although they're pretty good at making it a whole lot worse. And to top it off, the stress from this stupid new support has me so wound up lately that I can't stay asleep for longer than 4 hours at a time due to my nervous system going haywire for the millionth time. I guess I should shut up now, since I seem to be starting a short novel. But I've been alone and in silence for too long. It has to come out somehow and I don't know what else to do.