New here, and shy too...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Kai Nashi, Oct 19, 2014.

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  1. Kai Nashi

    Kai Nashi Well-Known Member

    Hello, I'm Kai Nashi (which means worthless in Japanese.) A little things about me is I'm 15, autistic, very heartbroken, and very, very, sensitive. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can no longer bare living here, and why I haven't stopped that yet is because I'm too much of a pussy to pull it off. I just want to be happy again not being depressed 24/7. I have sadly had experience and currently still do self harm.... Why I'm like this is for so many reasons. Id say why I'm mostly like this is because of the fact I want a relationship with someone.... I want to feel meaningful to someone and loved. I see everyone around me happy with a relationship and I'm just sitting alone waiting to die. No one would ever love me though, I'm such a awkward freak and I'm ugly and fat and I'm stupid too, I'm going to be alone the rest of my life, and I can't bare with that. Although I actually had my first relationship a little more than a couple weeks ago, and which ended five days after...and it really f'ed me up, BAD, even through it was only five days, I'm just too damn sensitive and I pretty much hate it. I'd cry over anything, once I accidentally pulled the hem of a shirt I really liked and I love all my stuff neat and I got very sad and depressed about it and eventually led up to having a breakdown, I'm pretty pathetic, right? I'm also a HUGE weirdo, freak, ect... I have very weird (and very bad) interests, I dress pretty weird too and listen to some crazy ass music... I'm also very ugly and stupid and screw things up easily, like a lot of my friendships and I have a very hard time with my social skills, like I am very awkward and especially shy, which I'm always told I'm never gonna get anywhere in life, which I probably wont because I'm even scared paying in front of a cash register and I'll shake too. Also my shyness is what is not letting me get any medical help for this and ect. I do talk to a friend about this stuff but I feel like they are annoyed by me and don't care since no one does, all my friends don't even notice me it's like I'm invisible to everyone... Aside from the bad stuff, I really love music, although the music I listen too is pretty much depressing in ways and stuff. I also loooove clothes especially boots like New Rock. Whelp, that's NOT all what I have to say but I'm just gonna end it here because I don't want to end up writing a Autobiography... thanks for using your time on reading this garbage, and hopefully maybe I can get some hope from this website.... :']
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 19, 2014
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Please do NOT act upon your feelings as you are young and have the rest of your life to live. Remember you are an individual human being and NOT a freak. So, you have different likes or dislikes but that's a good trait. You are discovering yourself and that's what life is all about. Everyday, you learn something new whether you are young or old. From the experiences you have had you learn from them and try to make yourself a better person.

    Depression is hard but the recovery process is about living one day at a time. Yes, you dress different and love music but that's you and nobody can take that from you. If people think you are different then let then, as you have the right to live your life. At a young age, it's ok to shy but the shyness will reduce in time by you becoming confident of yourself. If you believe in yourself, then you will become a very confident person. I hope this posts helps and by the way you have NOT written garbage but your true feeling about yourself. The important thing is that you opened up to this forum, complete strangers and it took a lot courage to do that. Keep posting and people will try help you in anyway they can.
     
  3. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Welcome Hi, I want to say, You have good taste. Kittens, well all Baby animals seem to do something for most people, Do You like Kittens or cats? I do want to know because it's important to me could you let me know?..... I want to say Welcome, you are safe in here and there are some very nice, kind, caring, people who will say hi and greet you. I hope you do feel comfortable here. If you need anything or want to talk just ask, I am here if you need anything as well I would like another name if comfortable if possible to call you because I don't think you are worthless. You have needs & wants like everyone else and you deserve them and you deserve respect too.
     
  4. Kai Nashi

    Kai Nashi Well-Known Member

    I do like kittens and cats. I used to have 2 cats (one was with me for a reaaally long time.) but after my mom lost her job and house we moved in with my grandma and had to send the cats away and I was really, really sad.
     
  5. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Wow, The first time anyone has replied to me so quick, Thanks! I'm sorry that you can't have cats or don't have any now, Cats are great company! They give so much and ask so little in return. I Am sorry too that you are going through such a rough time now. I am sorry that you aren't happy now either, but life can and will get better, there is so much that can help you and there are people that Will help you. Life can be difficult but I don't want to preach to you now, it's important that you feel safe and comfortable here that's a first step here. There are plenty of people that can and will help. I am new here too, this is my 7th day here. unfortunately this is where I spend most of my time. Hey if I can help or if you just want to talk. I am here. The green light by my name lets you know when I'm online. Be Kool, don't give up!
     
  6. Donnanobispacem

    Donnanobispacem Well-Known Member

    Kai Nashi,
    we all have a difficult time with friendships these days, even the concept has been hijacked by 'facebook' etc.

    15 is a bit young to write yourself off, it's sad that life isn't like the movies and that mostly people in power are corrupt, and ordinary people are uncaring- but when there is someone or something different that gives meaning to your life, so be open to it.

    Depression is just broken emotions, false feelings if you will. Sometimes they can be healed, sometimes they heal themselves. We take ourselves too seriously in this- expecting to be happy 24/7. Look for happiness, there's always something to be thankful for.

    Take care of yourself.
     
  7. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Hey, just wanted to check in with you, say hi and hope you are doing o.k.
     
  8. Kai Nashi

    Kai Nashi Well-Known Member

    Hello! I never really had anyone check up on me to see if I was ok before. I wouldn't say I'm doing ok but better than the last few days...I've just been discussing some stuff that's been going on the past two weeks with a friend, which has really been hard on me. But thanks. Hope you're doing ok as well :)
     
  9. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    No Problem, Glad that I can help, good you're talking with someone. any time. I'm doing!
     
  10. Sophaloph

    Sophaloph Member

    I just wana say I really enjoyed reading your post - one cos you seem funny and interesting and two exactly like me- I struggle with those things too and find people such hard work but am lonely too and way over sensitive- like my mum just looked at me and I had to leave the house cos I felt funny and I can't explain it. I struggle to talk with councillors cos I have no idea what is going on other than my thoughts and feelings are all over the place and I hate everything about myself. I wondered if I'm autistic too. Anyway thanks for the post and id rather have a friend be honest with me like u have rather than put on a front and pretend everything is ok (like I do) and struggle underneath x
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 1, 2014
  11. Sophaloph

    Sophaloph Member

    (Which I guess is a good lesson to me)
     
  12. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Hi, Sophaloph. I am Leigh, I don't know if you noticed the date that Kai had on those Posts, I just happened in here and saw your post. I don't know if Kai will see it so you may want to send him another or maybe a PM he should be on I think a little later. He is having a tough time right now but I think he would maybe welcome someone new. Thanks! I did notice you are online right now btw
     
  13. Sophaloph

    Sophaloph Member

    Thanks I'm new here so not too sure how it all works also I don't seem to get notifications of replies? Hope alls well xx
     
  14. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Well, If you look at the top of the page -you may have to scroll up, there is your screen-name after welcome, click on that it will take you to where you will see answered posts there you can add, change or modify your info add pictures and send PM's. There are other tabs too to different pages
     
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