New here and want all the pain and hurt to stop

I left a long marriage, as my husband was a violent alcoholic. I lived in fear for many years and he almost killed our son. I was also abused by my family prior to my marriage, and sexually molested by my sisters boyfriend who raped my younger sister. I have also been attacked at knifepoint, and survived a train accident that has caused me a lifetime of pain from a spinal injury. After leaving my husband, I had to battle him through the courts for a year, then was made redundant from my job in the same week I had 2 court hearings and then went into another job where I was verbally abused which increased the severity of my Post Traumatic Stress and Chronic Depression, my body ended up in 24 hour panic mode which I hadnt felt since I was living with my ex and now I have had to give up work altogether and am not surviving on the benefit I recieve which only gives me a few dollars left each week or food, petrol and any other bill like doctors bill, I was in an accident over 10 weeks ago and am still in alot of pain, i couldnt move for 4 weeks but cant afford to see a doctor. Due to my Post Traumatic Stress I have difficulty sleeping and when I do I have nightmares of my ex murdering my son along with other similar dreams. I suffer from chronic anxiety and am afraid of ppl and stay at home all the time. My family don't want anything to do with me either, including my oldest son which is devastating for me. I feel like I have lost my whole world and dont see any point in going on and no matter how much I talk, it doesnt take away the hurt and pain I feel. I have never been loved and never will. I have nothing to hang on for.

 

Hi hun glad you are reaching out here I know sometimes you don't think people care hun but i am sure you son does He just is in his own pain maybe right now. Keep talking here hun It does help to know people care and understand which we all do here We all can relate to some part of your story hun Hugs to you

 

I know things are different internationally, but if you are in the US, you should have some options for help. Hud, though it takes years to get, Low income apartments, takes about 6 months to get one if one isn't available, but it's options to look into. I don't know what type of benefits you receive but with your mental health status, you should be able to get SSI. You can get medicaid through them to pay your doctor bills. You could go to the department of health & human resources and apply for food stamps to help with paying for food. Churches and thrift stores, will help you with food, if you need it.

I don't think you need to be working right now. Sounds like you need some time to heal from all of this, but you need medical care for it.

You can get stronger from being abused, you can get past PTSD, but it takes time. It is hard, once you've went through that, to deal with people treating you that way again. I've been able to handle alot since, but not as well as I'd like to of.

If you could get the insurance worked out, you could go see a pain management specialist, that might help. Even if you didn't qualify for SSI, there should be no reason why you can't get medical insurance through them. Even DHHR could give you a medical card, if you give them a statement through your doctor showing that you have health problems that need addressed.

 

Nice to see you here, Angelique. I sincerely hope this site helps or comforts you in any way. Best of luck with everything.

 

You've been through so much that the only thing I can think of is that you need to hold one some more because you deserve your share of happiness and love and it will come. You have lots of courage to leave your husband and making through it all. All that struggling is exhausting and it is the point you are at. There is a saying about the darkest hours of the night being just before sunrise. You made it that far, don't loose hope now. You may find our little community supportive and understanding, and I hope you'll reach out for whatever help it can bring you.

 

Thank you all. I dont live in the US and I have all the financial help I am entitled to (well all I seem to be able to get) I can get food parcels but I can't bring myself to go out and get one. I was referred by my doctor to the mental health unit but they dont seem to be helping or doing anything and I'm just continuing to go down hill. I can't bring myself to ask for help or to tell someone how bad I really feel.

 

Hope you'll reach out for more help and start feeling better soon.