I've been suicidal on and off all my adult life. Currently I am struggling with suicidal ideation and it is so hard. How do I talk about that with people? I don't, except with my therapist. Last week I was all set, with a plan and all I needed but my therapist convinced me to throw everything away (that I was planning on using) and contract with her to stay safe. Since I am also bipolar 1 my mood swing went from majorly depressed to "happy" despite not being happy inside. So yeah, now I am safe, compelled by my therapist and my mood (people with bipolar will certainly understand that last bit). I'm also in IOP (intensive outpatient) for anorexia. I'm completely weight restored which doesn't help with the 'thoughts'. I just don't understand. I mean, some would say I have an ideal life, and truly, I do have a good life and yet.... I wish I felt on the inside what my life looked like on the outside.