My story is way too long to tell here all in one sitting, but my life sucks. I know people say that all the time, but things just continue to get worse for me and I don't ever see it getting any better. I lost custody of my kids in an ugly battle with my ex who wanted to ruin my life. He told horrendous lies about me in court and to my kids. He has now alienated my children (now aged 17 and 14) from me to the point where they say they don't ever want to see me again. I'm so exhausted from fighting for them. I'm completely broke. I live in a frickin' fifth wheel because I lost EVERYTHING in the fight for them. I'm currently married to a mentally abusive man. You'd think I'd figure it out after the first one but I just keep choosing that type of guy. He has no money because every penny he earns goes to his fat-ass ex-wife (who helped my ex-husband in his campaign to ruin my life). I'm tired of being berated by him but I'm afraid of being alone. My job is good but I only make enough money to barely cover the bills - and I already live in squalor. I can't afford to buy clothes or get haircuts. My best friend from the early 90s is currently on his death bed. He has colon cancer and the end is expected any time now. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye and I'm heartbroken. I don't want to kill myself but I do want to die. I don't see any point in this life. There's nothing for me on this earth. I don't know what to do. At night I go to bed and "pray" that I won't wake up. I've done counseling and that helps but I'm currently uninsured and have NO money to pay a counselor. I thought maybe posting here would make me feel better. But honestly, I'm so exhausted from dealing with all this stuff I just don't know if I have the energy to keep up on a forum. I just want it all to be over or for someone to take the reins of my life and steer it for me. I just don't want to do this anymore.