New here... don't want to go on

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by whathaveidone, Jul 8, 2011.

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  1. whathaveidone

    whathaveidone New Member

    My story is way too long to tell here all in one sitting, but my life sucks. I know people say that all the time, but things just continue to get worse for me and I don't ever see it getting any better.

    I lost custody of my kids in an ugly battle with my ex who wanted to ruin my life. He told horrendous lies about me in court and to my kids. He has now alienated my children (now aged 17 and 14) from me to the point where they say they don't ever want to see me again. I'm so exhausted from fighting for them. I'm completely broke. I live in a frickin' fifth wheel because I lost EVERYTHING in the fight for them.

    I'm currently married to a mentally abusive man. You'd think I'd figure it out after the first one but I just keep choosing that type of guy. He has no money because every penny he earns goes to his fat-ass ex-wife (who helped my ex-husband in his campaign to ruin my life). I'm tired of being berated by him but I'm afraid of being alone.

    My job is good but I only make enough money to barely cover the bills - and I already live in squalor. I can't afford to buy clothes or get haircuts.

    My best friend from the early 90s is currently on his death bed. He has colon cancer and the end is expected any time now. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye and I'm heartbroken.

    I don't want to kill myself but I do want to die. I don't see any point in this life. There's nothing for me on this earth. I don't know what to do. At night I go to bed and "pray" that I won't wake up.

    I've done counseling and that helps but I'm currently uninsured and have NO money to pay a counselor. I thought maybe posting here would make me feel better. But honestly, I'm so exhausted from dealing with all this stuff I just don't know if I have the energy to keep up on a forum.

    I just want it all to be over or for someone to take the reins of my life and steer it for me. I just don't want to do this anymore.
  2. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the site. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment but there are plenty of ppl on here willing to listen. I hope this site helps you feel better. :hug:
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...I am so sorry things are so rough...many of us have found that posting does make things a little easier and allow us to know there are ppl there who understand and care...please keep telling us what is going on for you and PM me if you need a listening ear (really compassionate eye as this is cyber)...J
  4. roscho

    roscho Well-Known Member

    You mentioned in your story the damned dependency on a toxic (to you) person. I can really relate to that. In this day of reflection I've been able to see things a little more clearly for what they are. If I'm going to get better, I have to get away - far away - from this person who is at the base of most of my depression. I wish you well in your journey of discovery.
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