I just started this site a few weeks ago. Still getting used to it. The chat rooms are easy, not quite sure about the forum sites though and where to go. Most of my days are days that I fall apart. I try to talk to the few people around me but they just don't seem to listen. From an early age I remember my mantra being" nobody likes me,everybody hates, I'm gonna eat some worms" crazy huh? Always an over achiever, probably the only way I could get positive attention. home life wasn't bad, just not positive. I never learned to make friends and still don't have any. Moved too much in my early years. Never really feel like I belong anywhere. Always on that middle fence you know. Half american, half german...kids certainly didn't make you feel accepted on either side of the continent. school and work went the same way. I just don't know where to go right now. My dad died of cancer, diagnosed in April, died in July. while I was at the hospital someone broke into my back yard, not closing the gate completely and my beloved dog got out and got hit by a car, still not over that suddenness of dying. I know happy is a state of mind but I can no longer find it. Funny usually I tried to be optimistic and made sure there was always laughter around despite 3 failed marriages and all that. I hate whining, that's why I don't know how to get out of this funk.