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New here! Just need to get this off my chest

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ksmith86, Sep 27, 2012.

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  1. ksmith86

    ksmith86 Well-Known Member

    Hey guys. Just joined, read a lot of your stories on here and I've got to say I know what youre going through. It sucks feeling like the least painful way out of your situation is to simply not be around to experience it anymore. I've never been depressed, am I'm not now, generally speaking I'm a pretty upbeat, happy go lucky guy who doesn't worry about shit. I'm not looking for attention and I don't know if I'll ever actually go through with it or not, this is all new to me. I do think about it on a daily basis now though. I just want to get my whole story off my chest I guess :) Sorry if it's a long read!

    So about 2 years ago, I met the woman I had been waiting my whole life for. I'm no slouch with girls. They come easy to me! But this one was different. She was sweet, intelligent, sociable, beautiful, classy, motivated, and youthful at heart. We feel madly in love with each other and things were great for a long time. I loved her as I have no other and I KNOW she felt the same about me. Unfortunately every other blood sucking male on the planet wanted her as badly as I did. Guys were after her like fucking HOUNDS. And she swatted every single one of them away! Until this one.. wormy mother fucker came into the picture. He was a nerdy, manipulative, soft spoken weak little bastard who was instantly friendzoned by every girl he talked too. He played the "I just wanna be friends!" game for MONTHS with her. I knew what he was up to from the beginning and I told her I wasn't comfortable with her seeing him. But her response was "I finally found a guy who will just be my friend!!! This is so amazing!!!" I couldn't say no to her. Big fucking mistake.

    An inch at a time, he slowly gained her trust. Manipulated her. Pushed for every tiny bit of escalation he could get. Eventually he got her comfortable enough that she would drink with him. (just as a friend of course, she showed me all of her communications with him so I know nothing was going on at this point). But the drinking was over the line. It was starting to cause problems in our relationship and she was spending a LOT more time with her "new best friend". Meanwhile I KNOW what he's trying to do and it's driving me nuts. Still I never put my foot down with her. She insisted she had no attraction to him at all and that's why she liked hanging out with him. He was "SAFE". I just couldnt say no to this girl.

    Then the drunken mistakes started happening. She slept over his apartment after a long night of drinking and watching movies. She came to me in tears the next day and told me about it. I nearly ended things with her but she SWORE it would never happen again and she was just drunk and she slept on his couch anyways. She started seeing him less. And he started pushing MORE. He started showing up places she frequented, started inviting her out with some of their "mutual" female friends. He did anything and everything to try to monopolize this girl's time, to strain our relationship and pull her away from me. I started checking up on her and.... she had been sleeping over his apartment more. Every time I confronted her she insisted "Hes just a friend and I just stayed there to sober up" same bullshit as always. I let this go on for about another two months when I ended things with her.

    She came back about a week later, saying things got out of hand with this guy and she never wanted him like that. Said he pushes so hard to get her to drink and blah blah blah, regardless she told him it was over and she wanted me back. So I TOOK her back. Things were great for about two months, he was gone and she was all mine again. We were rebuilding. Then he came back, "AS A FRIEND". They started hanging out again, minus the sleepovers. One day (about a month ago) I went to check up on her, because I was not about to deal with all that shit again.

    I saw his truck over her place at about 1am in the morning. Went around to her window and BROAD AS DAYLIGHT saw him on top of her, they were kissing. So I beat on the door and tell him to get his ass outside. No response. I unlock the door and walk down the hallway..he's standing there at the end. He sheepishly says "Hey man! uhh what are you doing here?" I say "You know damn well what I'm doing here" As soon as I'm in range I fire my right hand at him. Catch him perfectly in the left eye and he goes down. His whole face swells up and he's got this huge bloody cut above his eye. He comes at me and... it's pretty much a wrestling match after that.

    I say "Just a friend huh? Is this what you call just a friend??? I saw everything!" to my girlfriend. She says "It only happened because I'm drunk!!! I was about to push him off me!!!" I tell him never to put his hands on her again (while doubly headlocked on the floor at the foot of her bed). She calls the cops and says "I want you both to leave my appartment! You're going to kill eachother!!!" Knowing the situation is about to get even more out of hand I start talking him down. He gets up off the floor and goes and grabs a bag of frozen peas to put on his eye. While shes on the phone with the cops, I tell her that I'm sick of her shit, and to never contact me again. I walk out of the appartment.

    Here's where things start to get REALLY shitty:

    Cops show up (im gone) to take statements. They both say they dont want to press charges. The cops take their statements about what happened, then say that THEY THEMSELVES (the state) are going to press charges.

    A week later I find out I'm being charged with Assault and Battery 3rd degree (whatever, I probably deserved that), and FELONY BURGLARY 1st DEGREE!!! Carries a fifteen year minimum sentance in my state!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didnt see how I could be charged with burglary since I used a key to get in (which she herself gave me) and I practically lived there anyways. Slept in her bed more often then my own, stocked her fridge, moved her in to the damned place and even helped her pay her bills sometimes.

    Her and I start talking again, she says she's been crying and drinking herself to death every day. The guy had tried to make moves on her again while she was upset and she told him never to contact her again. She's been fighting like mad to get me off the charges, but it's too late for her to do anything at this point. I spent a night in jail, bond was posted to the tune of 75,000 dollars, and my family has spent nearly 6,000 on a lawer already. I lost my job over this and have been placed on HOUSE ARREST. No trial date has been set yet. The judge said it could be two years before I go to trial And to top it all off my "ex" and I have a no contact order (condition of my bond, which she is also fighting).

    So basically, I felt thoroughly justified in hitting the guy. No one will argue that he didnt deserve it, and all he was left with was a black eye. I'll take my 30 days in prison. Worth it. But this burglary thing???? I feel like my life is over and there's no hope of escape. I'm not a bad person, ive never been in a fight before this, never done anything illegal (besides speeding occasionally), I just wanted to live a good honest life and start a family of my own. And now because of my naive girlfriend, this worm of a guy, and my inability to just walk away, it's potentially over. The pain ive been going through with her since this guy came into the picture... The threat of doing a significant amount of time in prison.. and being saddled with a felony. Having to wait for two years in limbo to find out. The debt. The loss of my job, the house arrest... it's all too much.

    And this guy... still... is trying... to hang out with her... "As a friend" of course... And shes met with him already. All excited apparently because he said he really DID just want to be platonic this time. Yeah right.

    I still love this girl desperately, but given all that's happened nothing would make me happier then to just walk away from her and never look back. But I can't. Because as the "victim" in the "burglary" her help is absolutely critical to my survival. So I'm stuck. I have no physical access to her (we talk in secrect via throw-away email addresses) and this guy is up to his old tricks trying to get her in bed with him. There's nothing I can do about it. I can't leave her because I need her for the case. I can't stay with her because I can't take the pain of knowing whats going on between her and this guy. So I'm left constantly feeling heartbroken at the loss of her, disgusted thinking about him WITH her, unfairly treated by the state, completely without honor (im a criminal now), no future, no family. No wife. No freedom. No job. I'm a looser now. I've lost everything over one little mistake. It was ONE fucking punch! And he's only got a black eye now.

    Needless to say I think about taking a bullet to the heart every day (my emotional pain is centered in the chest, its near that spot). This is so unfair. All that I've been put through... All that he's done... He gets punched in the face and I get locked up forever? Death seems to be the only way I can possibly get out of this new hell that has become my life. The thought doesn't scare me, it doesn't make me sad and I'm not afraid of the pain. When I think about doing it, I just get happy, warm fuzzy feelings about what it would be like to not hurt anymore. To not have to go to jail for so long... so unjustly. If I had killed him, or hit her... Or had truely been there against her will like some crazy terrorizing ex boyfriend who couldn't let go, I would atleast see my fate as being fair. But none of that was the case. People get into fights over girls EVERY DAY and no one spends life in prison. I'm just a victim of the system at this point. Anyways if you made it through all of this, thank you for listening!!! Any comments or experiences are welcome :)
  2. Wispiwill

    Wispiwill Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that things have turned out so badly for you. It seems as though a series of mistakes conspired to bring you down - her drinking, his sneakiness and the state deciding to charge you anyway. I have no advice that I can give you other than to suggest you keep going, wait it out and see if the trial can't exonerate you (or you get the charges dropped finally). It may all turn out ok, or at least better than you think at the moment. Everything that's making you feel suicidal is external - that means you have a chance that it will change. It's up to you, obviously.

    For what it's worth, good luck and I'm sorry that I wasn't able to be any help.
  3. Kate777

    Kate777 Well-Known Member


    Just read through your post, sorry things have turned out like this. I can understand your frustrated over the burglary charge (as well as over the whole situation!). Do you have a lawyer working on your behalf at the moment? I'm not familiar with the law in your state but do have some legal experience. As it could take so long to get to trial it seems the best thing for you would be if the charges were dropped. Although this can't be done at the woman's request, her testimony and statements could be key in them determining whether or not to proceed with the charges. In the UK, it's not actually the police who decide to bring a case to court, they present their evidence to the CPS and they decide so it may be the same in your jurisdiction. If so, it's likely they are still collecting evidence, if new evidence arises that makes a conviction likely (i.e statements from you and the girl confirming that you practically lived there, had been given a key to enter at your own will etc) then it's likely the charges will be dropped. Either get a lawyer to ensure this is presented or do the reseach online and do it yourself. The key thing is to find out the exact wording of the law and provide evidence to show that you either did not commit the physical act (i.e the law may say you must enter without permission to commit burglary, you prove you had permission because you had the key etc) or show you did not have the requisite mental component (i.e some crimes must be committed with the legal definition of 'intention' etc, if you can prove you didn't fulfil the mental element of the crime and/or the physical element then you aren't guilty). If you can, find similar cases that set legal precedent and highlight the similarities.

    I'm sorry I can't help with the emotional aspect of it all but hopefully the above may provide a bit of a starting point to getting the charge resolved. If you need any help feel free to PM me. Being on house arrest isn't going to help you emotionally or practically so if you can this sorted out it will hopefully help turn everything around, or at least be the start of it getting better. Best of luck.
  4. ksmith86

    ksmith86 Well-Known Member

    It's ok! Thanks for reading. Seriously, your life is precious, don't take it for granted. Everything could change in an INSTANT, no one is immune to that.

    And you're right about waiting things out. EVERYONE including their mother (my lawyer, other 'criminals' who've been in and out of the system, family, friends etc) say that there's NO WAY they are going to try to prosecute for burglary 1st. Lawyer has said with his 40 years of experience there's no way I'll do even one day in jail. It's the freaking waiting that's killing me. I think I'll be a lot better when / if they can get this thing off my leg and I get a job again. Just have to keep my spirits up in the meantime :)
  5. ksmith86

    ksmith86 Well-Known Member

    Kate! Yes I have a good lawyer. Everything you mentioned is exactly what we are trying to put through now. It's a matter of getting her statements to the right place and getting her infront of the right judge at this point. Having some difficulty mobilizing everyone. Lawyer thus far is not taking full advantage of her though, and I'm not framliar enough with the american justice system to know where to put her. I DO know that before this goes to trial there will be a preliminary trial in front of a grand jury, where they decide if the charges are founded. Not sure if she's allowed to testify there, but if she is I want her in that room.

    Finding similar cases is nigh impossible on google. Do you know of any good resources to search for cases in an area by circumstance?

    The key elements id be contesting is exactly as you said: Intent upon entering, and permission to enter. Both are kind of fuzzy because I hit the guy straight away (they were both drunk however, so it could be argued that I just wanted to confront them face to face and a fight ensued), and simply having a key does not TECHNICALLY IMPLY "permission" necessarily... That's up to the jury to decide. Also there are laws which stipulate that I was technically a licensee of the appartment, (or a tenant if she's willing to stretch things slightly). Don't know if that's enough to clear burglary though.

    And yes! House arrest is terrible. Better than being in jail though :) should have it off in about a month if all goes well
  6. Kate777

    Kate777 Well-Known Member

    Hey :)

    Glad to hear the house arrest isn't going to last the whole time you're awaiting trial. If the legal system operates in a similar way to the UK then I think you have a good chance of them deciding not to press charges and you not having to face a trial at all but as you said it's a slow procedure.

    As for finding cases, there a professional databases that allow you to access cases (in the UK they are LexisNexis and Westlaw) but you would have to pay to access such services I think. For each case that sets a precedent it gives you the whole decision (which could be 100+ pages) but also a summary of what the point of law was etc. Might be worth you buying a student criminal law textbook as it will set out what the current law is and how it's applied.

    The key will be finding out exactly what the law says and how it's interpreted by the courts. For example, what may seem obvious could actually take a number of cases to determine how the law is applied. To break it down further, the UK murder law (just an example!) the law states that to be guilty the accused must have had intent. Over the years there have been so many cases that have changed what 'intent' actually means so it's now intent to kill or cause gbh. More cases to establish what gbh means and whether intent can ever be implied etc etc. So, you can see how a law that appears to be straightforward, can have a lot of cases that you could use to support your argument. Can pretty much guarantee that people will have used the defence of being a partner, having a key or having implied permission to enter to argue they are not guilty of burglary. You need to find the cases in which similar arguments were accepted. Also, does the law state that you just have to enter to commit burglary or enter with the intention of appropriating something? I think over here you have to enter with the intent or develop the intent whilst inside. From your story, it doesn't appear you had that intent at any point but obviously US law may be different.

    I don't think you will be found guilty at all but obviously it's bound to be extremely stressful and far better if the charges were dropped than a trial. I think my first step would be to get a criminal law student textbook as it will explain the law and summarize relevant cases that set a precedent and you can then base your claim that the charges should be dropped on that. I also think it's helpful to have some knowledge of it so you can ask your lawyer the relevant questions and make sure you're happy with what they're doing etc.

    Sorry I can't be of more use, lack of US law knowledge unfortunately but happy to help any way I can
  7. ksmith86

    ksmith86 Well-Known Member

    Every other state i've searched on defines burglary as(abridged): Unauthorized entering with the intent to commit a felony. In MY state (south carolina), it says: Unauthorized entering with the the intent to commit a crime (doesn't matter how minor the intended crime was). It wouldn't be burglary if it were established that I developed the intent while inside. That actually seems kind of extreme to me... You close loopholes for criminals trying to get off and you end up sending a lot of innocent people to jail. But anyways since I hit him straight away, that pretty much implies that I entered with the intent of hitting him doesn't it?

    Do you think it would be reasonable to say: "I just wanted to confront them. But I saw him standing there with his pants off, I smelled the alcahol on his breath and just snapped." Intent????

    I think a textbook is exactly what I need :) I'll start researching that!

    Also you're doing loads of help just by sharing. I'm having a lot of ups and downs and it's mostly related to that female. As I said she drinks a lot... And while she's "willing to do ANYTHING or say ANTHING help me get out of this!" really all she does is just drink. And hang out guy I decked. (As friends of course) She's well intentioned but completely unreliable.
  8. Wispiwill

    Wispiwill Well-Known Member

    I think you might want to focus on the unauthorised entering bit - after all, how can it be unauthorised when you have a key? Just a thought, hope it helps.

    Good luck.
  9. Kate777

    Kate777 Well-Known Member

    I agree with Wispiwill, although having a key may not imply that you had permission to enter if she confirms that she had given you a key and had given permission for you to reside there and enter at your lesiure then technically your entry wasn't unauthorised.

    Also, I don't think your actions necessarily sho you had intent to commit a crime upon entering but that's something that could go either way with a jury. For example, if you shouter 'get out here, I'm gonna make you pay or you're gonna wish you never did this etc it would imply you intended to hurt him, depending on the exact wording etc you could argue you did not enter with the intent to commit a crime at all, merely to confront them and in a flash of anger you punched him once.

    I'm pretty sure that there will be cases where defendants use attempt to claim they have permission to enter a building if they have a key (and I would be surprised if this was a generally accepted defence unless they had ownership of the property). However, if she provides written documentation (that perhaps your lawyer should arrange as you aren't supposed to contact her) and I think you said you paid some bills etc, get copies of them if can as it will effectively show you co-habiting.

    If the law states that the entry must be unauthorised and the owner or leaseholder says you were authorised to enter then I can't see them continuing to trial or you being found guilty. Might be more complicated if she told you not to enter on the night in question or told you to leave or anything like that?
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